Last year I believed I called it the Year of Me. I think that was a very bad decision because I went into the year with responsibilities that would not have allowed me to focus solely on myself. So even though I went in with good intentions, they were unrealistic. I had thought about it and I was going to dub 2020 as the Year of No. But after much thought, I realized that it is so much deeper than that. I had actually completed a whole post addressing this new year with that title. I still want to incorporate what I was talking about in that post at some point but I will wait until I have it figured out and covering everything. So at this time I don’t have a catchphrase for this new year. Lol. I’ll think of something.
I had not really been listening to any motivational speeches. When I would hear them, my attitude was like whatever 🙄. Just recently, I have been listening to a few different speeches on my future husband, Sean Croxton’s podcast called The Quote of the Day Show at seancroxton.com. I have spoke about this podcast before and I still recommend it. These snippets have helped to start getting me in the right frame of mind. As you all know I was in the wrong frame of mind for all of November and a good portion of December. It was to the point that my friends were texting me outside of the group chat asking me was I okay because I wasn’t contributing. And talking is my thing. Lol. This year is definitely going to have something to do with mindset. I want to go back to being open to possibilities. Even when it seems impossible. A few of the speakers from the podcast touched on the topic of writing down what it is we want to do, be and accomplish in our lives. Stating that the last thing we should worry about is the How. The How will come when we set our total focus on what we want.
Now I am not falling all into this concept. I am struggling to get past this particular part. I had written out a few things on my do, be and accomplish list but I found myself constantly worrying about the How. Mindset! I had a major epiphany one day as I was riding in the car. I always talk to God when I am driving. I say “I don’t know” to God a lot. I had been saying it the majority of 2019. Well this one time I said I don’t know and I immediately checked myself. Why are you saying you don’t know? Why? My answer was, “It is not that I don’t know, it is that I don’t believe.” Listen…when I tell you that revelation was mind boggling. And I got upset. All this time I have been walking around as if I don’t know what I want and wondering why the things that I do know that I want aren’t happening. It was so simple. So fucking simple. Ughhhh!
I wish I can say that after that I was cool. I started believing without any doubts. That I had a total mindset shift. Not at all. I don’t know why it is so hard for me to convert. I was just thinking this morning that I really need to see a psychologist. I felt this way last year as well. I looked up a few but never followed through. I need to make it happen. I am hoping that a few sessions will help me breakthrough my limiting beliefs. Now I may be being a little unrealistic about the time frame in which this can be accomplished. I am going to go in there like Dr. Brene Brown and let her know “no childhood bullshit” 😂😂😂. I don’t even remember half my childhood so let’s leave that shit in the past. Digging it up and rehashing it isn’t going to help anything. I know most of my issues happened in my adulthood.
I may have gotten a little off course. Maybe not. Lol. The point of it all is that I need to work on me. I am not making any health declarations. I am not setting unrealistic goals that I know I cannot maintain or accomplish. I am looking at myself and saying that I don’t want to go another year with unfulfilled dreams and goals. I don’t want to spend another year with a limited mindset. I don’t want to be anti-social. I do want to see my dreams and goals manifested in my life. I want to truly believe and embrace that anything is possible even if I don’t know how it will all come together. I want to network and make new connections and acquaintances. I want to break down these walls that I thought I put in place to protect me but in reality they have separated me from others. This is sounding like it might be the Year of Me again. Lol. But like I said it is hard to describe. Once I figure it out I will definitely share.
I hope at this point everyone has written out a few goals that they would like to accomplish in 2020. If you are still unsure that is okay as well. We have to operate on our own timetable. We cannot let other’s perceptions of who and what we should be in life have an effect us. God is in control. And really it is always on His timetable. I pray that all of your goals big and small are realized by the end of this year. I am asking God to bless you, to shine His Grace, Favor and Mercy upon you. To provide you with His strength when you feel as if you cannot go on. And I am asking you to truly live, to be well and whole and push past limiting beliefs. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!