As I was listening to the Quote of the Day show by my future husband (lol) Sean Croxton, I had a huge epiphany. Like major! This show with guest speaker Dr. Joe Dispenza was titled “To Truly Change is to Think Greater than Your Environment”. The topic centered around changing our way of thinking. It was information that I had heard before, but for some reason that day it struck a chord with me.
I realized that I do not have a clear picture of my future and expectations for my life because multiple sclerosis(MS) is such an unpredictable condition. I don’t know what my life will be like from one day to the next much less 2, 5, 10 years from now. And I realize no one really does. Everyone’s life is subject to change in the blink of an eye in a good way or a bad way. But knowing that you have a disease that will most certainly change you year after year puts a little more of a damper on future prospects. I used to love to go for walks in the park and listen to my music. Now I sit on benches in the park and listen to my music. Definitely didn’t foresee that in my future. Yes I am still mobile, Thank God, but I am unable to walk for long distances. So how can I envision my life walking along trails in the park with my significant other? I usually envision the point where he is going to have to give me a piggyback ride because my legs have decided to stop supporting me. Not very romantic.
I am really narrowing this down with the comment I just made, but seriously I am stalled in my present. I know the things that I want for my life, my future, but I can’t envision them clearly. How do you manifest into your life a blurry picture? This has been occupying my mind. I am sure there is a way around it. My friend’s/coworker’s advice was to look at my abilities and capabilities that I have right now and use them in my future envisioning. Not to worry about getting worse. Yes my coworkers are my sounding board. They get everything first. Lol. Then I had another epiphany. I am still living in the past. I have not come to terms with my limitations. I still want to go back to the other Ebony. The healthier Ebony. I still have most of my high heels even though I haven’t worn them in years. I can’t let go! What the hell is wrong with me? At this point, I feel like I might need a MS support group. Lol. I am just a little too antisocial for that, but maybe one day.
I am telling you, you do not want to dig deep in this mind. It is seriously convoluted. Lol. I have to accept my present to move into my future. I cannot live in the past any longer. God blesses me with the ability to walk, work and take care of myself. Yes, occasionally I do need help, but who doesn’t sometimes. I am truly thankful for who I am right now. I really love this Ebony. So I am a little lost as to why I haven’t fully accepted myself. Either way, this preoccupation with previous versions of myself has to end. That Quote of the Day show was just what I needed. It came at just the right time. My mind and my heart was open to receive that message. Seriously, if you haven’t checked it out yet, please do. It is a gem. The website again is www.seancroxton.com.
So with my newfound understanding and desire to make changes so that I can be better, I embark on a new mission. I want to create crystal clear visions and be ready to adjust them with any new changes or developments that may arise. Are you clear about where you want to go? Have you written down your expectations and set goals to get there? If not, what’s holding you back? This may be the time for some self-evaluation. I want to be well and whole. And I also want you to be well and whole. Don’t forget, the world needs you.