Shit happens, What now?

This. This blog is something that I wanted for a little while. I talked about it for months. Checked on the domain name regularly to make sure no one had taken it before I could purchase it. I wrote blogs in advance so that I would always have something to post. Already had my second blog name and subject picked out. I was ready to go. Until I wasn’t. Pre-ordered business cards, do people have business cards for blogs? Purchased my domain name for 6 years! Not even sure if I have six years worth of talking in me. Started to build my blog site and stalled out. Now at the same time, life was happening.

I was coming to an end of my year lease for my apartment with my house still in my possession. Made the decision to move back into the house. Nothing went according to plan. Unforeseen issues with the house, it wasn’t ready when I moved back in. Long story. I accidentally selected the gloss finish on the business cards when I wanted matte. No changes to order can be made once completed. Also, the E in Ebony and the E in Everything were capitalized on the business card. Yeah, when I actually purchased my domain name, found out it all had to be lowercase.

Now I had read “how to start a blog” blogs and it seemed easy enough. Not exactly. I did go through the process. Do I purchase a theme or use one of theirs? Decisions, decisions. I am terrible with making them. So I usually don’t. Now I am in limbo. A month after I have secured my domain name and started fiddling with my blog, I have not posted a single post. I have posted 4 measly post since then. Not anything in 2 months.

What happened? Life. Now I am quick to say that I can adjust, I don’t let things get me down, ya-da, ya-da. Today I realize that is not true. I allowed life and things not going as planned to stop me from doing something I really wanted to do. I didn’t adjust and push through. I didn’t bounce back. I didn’t rise up. Here I am, sitting under a dark cloud allowing life to rain on my parade day in and day out.

Now, I have to think, what else? What else have I truly not bounced back from? What else have I allowed the day to day workings of life to stop me from doing and being? I am going to be honest, I don’t want to look under this rock. I don’t want any parts of it. But I know that I have to go there. Now this is something I have realized. I am not living. I am existing. I wake up, go to work and most days, go home. It makes me sad to type it, so imagine living this life. To lift up the rock and examine what is under it, is so life changing, I have to say I am scared. But to continue this life, to allow it to set me back or to make me stagnant, I can no longer do.

I am limited in some areas due to MS. I am not limited in my ability to think or to use my hands to type. I have nothing but excuses, no real reasons to not post at least 2-3 times per week. I had already made the decision to just write. Only caring that words are spelled correctly, not sentence structure. My goal is to reach people. To touch them. To make them laugh. To make them cry. To share a little bit of myself. And at times to share a lot. So far no one outside of my friends or family even know I have a blog. I don’t even think they read it. Though I am not a fan of my business cards, I need to start handing them out. I need to let the world know I have something to say, well a lot of things actually.

As always, if you would like to comment, share your story, or want to talk. Feel free to email me at elsims27@yahoo.com or post a comment under any of my post.

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