The initial relapse that spurred the diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis took away my vision, coordination, strength, and ability to feel sensations in an instant, but it took 7 months to recover from. Even then, my baseline wasn’t the same as my 20 year old peers. For years I tried to keep up with them by ignoring my body despite the fact that it was screaming for me to chill. I didn’t prioritize sleep, eat well, exercise or minimize stress. It became a problem – I was running myself into the ground. Then, came a night that shifted something in me.
My then boyfriend (now husband) and I had moved to North Carolina so he could continue onto Pharmacy school. One evening, we were at a bar with his friends from school. It was only 11 pm, but I was completely fatigued. Again. Everyone else was full of energy and having fun, but as usual I was the odd person out longing to go home.
I always *tried* to not be bothered by having to cut the night short. But, all of those times finally added up and a wave of emotion hit me once I got home. I was sad I was different. I was angry that MS was changing my physical capabilities. I was sick and tired of fighting my body. I couldn’t do it anymore. I ugly cried for a while.
I decided I wanted to make a change and began to slowly figure out what to do. To start, I accepted what I could physically accomplish would always vary from others. And that is okay.
Second, I chose to ask myself “How will this make my body feel?” before I made any decision on something that would impact me physically. To avoid getting overwhelmed, I started small and would ask that question before committing to any social activities. Those events always took the most out of me and I needed to find a balance that was sustainable. If the answer was ‘this will make me fatigued for 2 days after which will make me miserable and impact my ability to do other obligations’ (or some variation of that), I said no. I only had to say no a few times to learn that accepting my body and listening to what it could do was the answer to my problems.
That was years ago, but the payoff was so great that I continued to listen to my body in other areas of my life. I ate to feel good in the long run, not just satisfied in the moment. I found what types of workouts left me feeling stronger vs. worn down. I figured out that I needed to sleep at least 8 hours every night. And the list goes on and on.
By observing how my body reacted to different things, accepting and listening to it, I was able to shift my life in such a positive way. It felt like a weight had been lifted. Instead of constantly being at war with my body, I was thriving physically and mentally. Now, I’m thankful that MS forced me to tune in with myself.
That being said, chronic disease or not, everyone could benefit from putting themselves first and listening to their body a little more throughout the day. Start small, tune in to the times it feels like your body is fighting you and figure out what you could do to make it better. Life is way more enjoyable when you aren’t fighting your own body to get through it.