“It got me roamin’ through these empty streets
Thinkin’ you ready for love
(You ready for love)
Are you ready for it?
I think I’m ready for it”
Ready For Love by Lucky Daye
Ok this post is going to be a little sappy. Bear with me. Lol. I don’t know what happened over the last couple of months but I have went soft. Smh. Too much introspection and dropping limiting beliefs. Visualizations of my future. A sweet comment that chipped at the ice surrounding my heart which caused me to feel a physical pain. I believe it was that part of my heart thawing out and gaining some feeling back. And once that happened, I was done for. The rest of the ice slowly melted leaving an exposed, pulsing heart. A heart that has found its way to my sleeve ready to be put into someone’s hand. “Harpo, who is this woman?” 😂
I had previously thought I was ready for a relationship. One Hinge date set me straight. The guy was so cool and I enjoyed myself. We played miniature golf (I won) and went out for dinner. We had some awkward getting to know you conversation and ended the date on a good note. That doesn’t mean sex people! It means with a possibility of another date. But I realized that it was too much. Too much energy. Too much effort. I didn’t want to use the energy and effort to get to know him better or anyone for that matter. Like I said, he was cool. It wasn’t him, it was me. That’s when I knew I wasn’t ready. I deleted my dating profile and haven’t looked back.
I prefer to meet a man organically. When you meet someone from a dating site, you know what you are there for. Especially, if you are ready for love and long-term commitment. You spend the whole time assessing them and looking for flaws, determined not to waste your time. They don’t really have a chance. My socially awkward ass doesn’t stand a chance. Lol. If I was to meet someone by chance at the bookstore, grocery store or library it would be a better flow for me. I listed these places because they are the only places I go. Lol. Someone says something, somebody else says something. You laugh, they laugh and there is a moment. I love that moment. It’s when you know that there is mutual interest. Numbers are exchanged and a world of possibilities open up.
I’m getting sad now. I haven’t had a moment in forever 🙁😄. No, I’m okay…I think. The truth is I’m ready for a moment. I’m ready to put my heart into someone’s hand. The right person’s hand. I have to admit, I am a little worried. I do not know how to pick them. And I go with the wrong ones that pick me. My type is asshole, period! None of my ex-boyfriends look similar. The only thing they have in common is asshole qualities. I’m not judging them. As the saying goes, “You attract what you are.” Certified asshole here 🙋🏾♀️. I guess I felt that someone who acts like me would get me. That I wouldn’t spend the majority of our relationship telling him I was joking and saying I’m sorry. This dating formula didn’t work out so well for me. Lol
I’m changing…slowly. There is parts of me that I love and I don’t want to change. My husband needs to love those parts too. Lol. Or at least accept them. But there are things I definitely need to work on. And I am. I don’t want to mess up what God gives me. I don’t want to be so stubborn, hard-headed, impatient and independent. Yes, I have these interesting qualities 😉. I also have some great ones. Loyal, supportive, honest and considerate. I am a perfect mix of imperfections and desirable qualities. Just right!
I have been watching the Black Love documentaries on YouTube and they are so inspiring. I know that my marriage will be one that works for my husband and I, but it is great to hear successful marriage stories and couples working through the challenges. I don’t have many models in regards to loving, successful marriages. If you have a successful marriage story, I would love to hear it! Feel free to share in the comments or email me at elsims27@yahoo.com. I love love. Continue to be well and whole in your life’s journey. I know that y’all are getting tired of wearing the mask because I am. But let’s keep each other safe. Mask on 😷! Much love 🧡 💚