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Me Pt. 2, Facts

Looking back, Me Pt. 1 was created back in May of 2017. I guess I am due to share a little more information about myself. Here goes nothing, something, whatever.

1. I have only been in love 2 times in my life and I am not sure if either one of them counted. The first time I was 16 years old. And from my understanding young love like that is called puppy love. I guess adults don’t think at that age we have the capability to feel such deep emotions. Well, I did. And I still love him to this day. Not like I did when we were younger, but there is still love in my heart for him. The second time I was 30 years old. It took me a long time to realize that I was in love. Actually, someone else pointed it out to me. I struggled with the realization. Once I accepted the truth all I wanted to do was fall out of love. Lol. Not the right person or circumstances.

2. I am socially awkward and not good at small talk. After an initial greeting and talking about the weather conditions, I have no idea what to talk about. I will lapse into an uncomfortable silence, which I am not a fan of. If I’m too uncomfortable then I will start babbling about anything to fill the silence. Also, I am terrible at picking up on social cues. I like for people to say what they mean because I hate misunderstandings. I am a direct person and I need people to state their intentions directly. If you don’t, I probably won’t know what is going on unless someone else steps in and tells me. Then I can either clarify the situation or ignore you until you get the hint. Which at this point brings up number 3…

3. I’m an asshole. There us no way around it. I have to admit this. Most people probably wouldn’t believe this. I have grown up so I don’t say a lot of the things I used to when I was younger. I still think them, therefore I am still an asshole. Don’t get me wrong there are times that I do say them too. They just fall out of my mouth and sometimes I feel bad and other times I don’t give a shit. I am the type of person that when I am done with you, I will just never speak to you again. I won’t answer my phone, text you back and if I see you in public I will act like I don’t see you. I do not give people closure. I know this sounds mean and I am aware that it is mean. But the fact that I don’t care solidifies my point about being an asshole.

4. I am also an introvert to the point of being a recluse. I want to join the world, but every time I think about the energy it takes, I just say the hell with it. I’m so bad that I joined a group on Meetups to meet new people and start to socialize. Yea…still haven’t went to an event yet. It’s been almost a year. I love spending time by myself. Actually if I go too long without me time, I will morph into an evil person. I am getting too set in my ways. At this point, I cannot fathom living with someone on a daily basis. Plus, I would have to actually change because…

5. I am a total bachelorette that lives more like they say bachelors do. I am clarifying this because some bachelors are way neater than I am. I wash dishes when I want and I don’t make up my bed on a daily basis. I hate washing clothes and when I do, they will sit in a basket waiting on me to fold them. I iron only because my clothes are wrinkled due to sitting in a basket. I can’t tell you the last time I have eaten at my kitchen table. I usually will lean against the counter and eat standing up. I do have one redeeming quality though…

6. I love old people. The best job I ever had was delivering meals to senior citizens. If I could get paid comparable to what I make now I would work at a senior center. Now I don’t like wiping butts or cleaning up after people so I could not work in a nursing home. But simple interactions that brightens their day would make my day. Creating moments for seniors to feel loved and considered, my ideal of a life lived with purpose. Lending an ear to hear their concerns or listening to their stories from the past. Small but meaningful gestures. I am here for all of that.

I think that is enough sharing for now. I am sure that I have probably listed too many bad qualities, but I felt a need to get them out of the way. Next time I’ll lead with my more likeable, acceptable qualities. I am changing all the time. I hope it is for the better, but I can’t guarantee it 😉 “Know thyself” and “To thine own self be true”, so they say. I say, Be well and whole, whatever that looks like for you 😘.

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Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

We women have a problem. Especially black women. We feel that if we rejoice in our perfectly imperfect selves that it can be perceived as conceited, arrogant or prideful. After having a conversation with my mom about a shirt she purchased, I feel that I had to acknowledge this issue. The shirt had a woman with an afro and the word Flawless. I was like that sounds cute. She agreed but was hesitant to wear the shirt because she said as a woman of God, she does not want to be perceived as arrogant. What!?! Just from wearing a shirt? She continues saying that as Christians, we should be humble and a light for God. We SHOULD be humble and a light for God to show others the true meaning of Christianity. Does that also mean we should not acknowledge and rejoice in the person that God has created us to be? I am sorry Mom, I don’t think that the two are related. Of course, I shared my opinion with her on this topic.

This conversation with my mother has continued to come up in my mind over the last few days. I am disturbed by it. I am a little angry about it as well. I wonder how many women are walking around, for various reasons, not celebrating themselves. Not having the self-esteem or the self-confidence to know that they are awesome. That no matter what the media portrays or society says, they are beautiful just the way God created them. What the hell is wrong with us? Men will walk around all day, every day feeling like they are the shit. That they are worthy of having two or more women at a time and we should be happy to have them. Not bashing, but y’all know this is true. And we women, are out here with low self-esteem thinking we can’t do the same! Lol. Ok just kidding about that. Seriously though, we are worthy of whatever our hearts desire. We are worthy of being called beautiful and we can humbly reply with a Thank You. We can feel flawless with our hair in an afro or any other natural style. Or feel flawless with our hair straighten or with a weave. Who the hell makes up these rules? And why are we following them blindly?

Remember when our big lips and our big butts (I know I don’t have one, lol) were looked down upon. Now these are features being celebrated. What is going to happen when these same features are no longer “acceptable”? We should have always been accepting and loving these things about ourselves. And we should continue to love them when they are no longer in style. It is time to stop allowing others to determine our self-worth. What is flawless, what is beautiful, what is acceptable. To know that if you are happy with little breasts, flat ass, thin lips or any other features that are frowned upon, you are doing great. To not just accept these things, but to love them is not arrogant. To wear a shirt that says Flawless and has an afro on it is not prideful. To know my self-worth and demand to be treated on a level that is congruent with my value is not conceited. To ask me to accept anything less is disrespectful.

I have a shirt that I purchased from my fave store, Target, that says “Know Your Worth”. If I could wear it every day I would. Hell if they made it in different colors I would purchase one for every day of the week. I am here for the revolution of women. For us, holding our heads up and straighten our backs, demanding what we want from the world. God has deemed us worthy. He has created us to bring life into this world, to stand beside our significant others, to learn and master many types of skills to further this world. We are resilient and powerful. We are made beautiful by God’s design. Intelligent and wise. Loving and forgiving. Deserving of love, acceptance, praise, respect, consideration and everything else that our hearts desire and our minds can imagine. It is time that women start to realize these things. Humbly walk in God’s light with the self-confidence that he made YOU in his image. Be well and whole.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

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Self-Love Day

I do love driving, on the expressway that is, but today I would have loved to be a passenger. I just wanted to ride and enjoy the breeze and listen to the music. Didn’t happen though. I drove myself to my favorite spot. It is the day before they are having their hugely popular, free jazz festival. People are camped out with their tents set up. They came in RVs.

I have never attended the festival but I have heard that it is great. The first part that would make it great is that it’s free. Lol. Also, I have seen the line up and it seems like it will be entertaining. Last, but not least, it is on the water. What more could you ask for? One downside, portable potties. Ugh! I know they have made them pretty extravagant lately, but these are not 😂😂😂.

Unfortunately, I am not going to attend this year either. I have decided I need to make new friends. Some with one of these campers so that I can camp out and hide in one when the sun gets to be too much. It is forecasted to be in the 90s the next couple of days. Hot 🔥. Also, I am social awkward and not a fan of crowds. Here is some information for anyone who didn’t know about the jazz festival and is thinking about joining the fun.

I am currently having a love affair with a park. I don’t feel complete unless I go there at least once a week. I soak up the views and my hair soaks up the moisture in the air. Got a nice surprise when I looked in the mirror. My hair is pretty interesting right now. I people watched. I am fascinated by humans, even though I don’t like them very much. I watch their interactions with each other. Their mannerisms. I saw a hot guy with his Siberian husky which was even cuter than him. I watched a little girl chase after this ultra friendly groundhog as she screamed with delight. I took a picture of this lone duck.

Can’t recall the last time I’ve seen a duck all by itself. I felt a kinship with this singular animal. I wondered if it was lonely? I observed people setting up their chairs already for tomorrow’s festivities. I almost fell over walking back to my car because I was a little unstable walking up a hill. I wondered if anyone would have helped me up if I had fallen.

At this point I am back at my car. It’s dark and I have to go to the restroom, but I’ll be damned if I use one of those portable potties. Lol. As I leave the park I drive 15 mph because it is the speed limit, but also because I am fascinated by all of the campers and RVs populating the park. I make it to a Speedway that provided the mirror which allowed me to see the disaster which is my hair. I purchase a couple of lottery tickets and get back in the car to head home. I would really like to drive to Detroit because it is a great night. Then I think about the pain in the ass detour that I will have to take to get home and I turn left onto 75 south. No thanks. The sky is kind of clear and I can see a few stars sparkling in the sky. The sun is down but I can see the streaks of color right above the tree line. I am having a great drive. My music is on and car cruising at 75 mph.

At this point y’all are probably like so! I know it sounds mundane and unexciting. It may be that way for most people. For me, it was a perfect end to a day. I enjoyed the world that God created. I appreciated its beauty and serenity. I allowed my mind to relax and observed my surroundings. I even giggled at a car full of white boys hooting and hollering at me. I played peek-a-boo with the little girl in the car next to me. What makes you feel this way? Where is your place of peace? How long has it been since you went there? I hope it has been within the last week. Don’t push yourself to the point of burning out. Whatever it is that you need to restore your peace, make it a priority to do.

I am on this kick right now about self-love. Each day I realize how important it is for us to love ourselves. To make ourselves a priority. To not get lost or bogged down with matters that may or may not concern us. I know I am probably getting on y’all nerves with this, but I listened to a Quote of the Day show featuring Lisa Nichols that spoke to this. I loved it so much that I downloaded it. I have listened to it repeatedly. It is episode 326 titled, “The Greatest Love You Can Ever Give the World is a Demonstration of What Loving You Looks Like “. Check it out. With all matters in life, be well and whole. You own it to yourself. And no it is not selfish, it is preservation.