Ebony on Everything

I don’t even know where to beginning. Last year was different. Especially after 2020 and 2021, which I thought were pretty good years even though we were in a pandemic. I experienced a lot of lows in 2022 and I didn’t bounce back like I thought I would. My biggest low happened at the end of the year. I landed face first on the ground when the forces of nature and MS conspired against me.

If you know me, you know I am so vain. I don’t even like a pimple on my face. So to say this was rough is an understatement. You may not believe me, but it looked worse in person. By the grace of God, I am only mildly changed.

So I didn’t have any year end reflections or thoughts on how I wanted my 2023 to start. I just wanted to look and feel normal. Every day I just want to get closer to who I was before. Physically and mentally.

Am I happy? No. Am I okay? Yes. Am I dwelling in the what ifs and why me? Probably. Am I going to pull through it? Absolutely! As an introvert, I struggle with letting people in. I am not trying to be super independent or not share the shady parts of my life. I just don’t know how to open that door. I also don’t want to be a burden. And yes, somewhere deep in me I know that I am not, but at times it still feels as if I am.

Every year, my goal is to be more vulnerable. To open myself up and show people I do have a heart. I promise you I do! I am not exactly sure if I’ve even budge an inch in the vulnerability department 🤦🏾‍♀️. Either way, a more vulnerable and open Ebony is once again my goal. I want to embrace, love and accept all sides of myself. Even the ones I see as weaknesses. I want to request assistance when it is needed and accept graciously when it is offered.

“One of the greatest acts of strength is extending oneself permission to be weak.” – Airicia Colley

I am slowly, but surely pulling myself back together. I will find the joy and peace in writing again. I will continue to work at being well and whole. And I hope you will do the same. Much Love 🧡 💚

P.S. I apologize to my subscribers who may have received the spam comments from my blog. I didn’t realize that you were also receiving the comments. There is still so much I don’t know about the background workings of my blog. I believe I have fixed the problem so you should not be sexually harassed any longer. Once again, my deepest apologies.

 

I leave out just as I do every morning, windows down. Passenger window completed down, driver’s side crack to allow a little breeze, but not enough to mess up my hair. Jamming to the Gospel According to PJ. Something plops into my car. So weird. It lands on this plastic bag with a couple of shirts inside it. Of course, I’m like what the hell was that. It moved! It fucking moved! It is a damn frog 🐸. Maybe 2 inches big. Hell, I don’t know. All I know at this point is there is a damn frog in my car. I immediately think of this picture,

I called my friend, all the while, glancing over occasionally to make sure he isn’t making his way towards me. I’m hoping he went into the bag and I can get him out easily. But animals and I don’t have a good history. I didn’t tell y’all about the bird who flew in the house and spent the night in my room. Well actually, it died in my room 🤦🏾‍♀️. Anyhoo, I started screaming in her ear as soon as she answered the phone. She recommended I pull over and get him out, but I just wanted to get to work. When I finally decided to pull over in a gas station, just in case I passed out someone would see and call 911, I realized I passed the last one.

Now, I am crossing the bridge to Hilton Head with this damn frog in the car. Thank God, he was grateful for the ride to the island and didn’t try to kill us both. I normally park in the further spot where no one or nothing can get out of the passenger seat. Not today! He had to get the hell out of my car. I had my strategy together. I’m going to lift the plastic bag out of the car with my walking stick. This way if he jumps out, it won’t be on me. Okay, I’m ready. Side note: I left the car running and I don’t know why😆.

I get out, leaving the driver side door open. Grab my walking stick and slowly lift the bag out of the car. I lay it down on the ground. Nothing yet. I lightly tap the bag hoping he will jump his little ass out. Still nothing. I grab the bottom of the bag and dump the shirts out. Yep, no frog. I guess it was too much to hope this would be easy. I take the walking stick and hit around under the passenger seat, sure enough he jumps into the back seat. Now, I am screaming, “Get your little ass out of my car!” I grab the back door and yank it open, hit the seat, he jumps to the other side. I run to the other side, well something like that 😂, and open the other back door. Now, all four doors are open. You think he would take this opportunity to exit the vehicle. I got him on the island safely. I’m assuming that is what his goal was for plopping into my car. Time to go little buddy.

What does he do? He jumps into the back fucking window. Seriously! Mind you, I’m screaming and fussing at him the whole time. This gentleman who works at National Branding Solutions, another business in the plaza, looks over at me amusingly. I say with the whiniest tone I have probably used since I was a kid, “There is a frog in my car.” There are still good men in the world 😆. He sits his belongings on the ground and saunter on over. I hit the back window a couple of times, the frog jumps into the spotlight, he scoops him up and deposits him on to the ground. Whew 😅.

I feel like this type of shit only happens to me. What are the chances of a frog hanging out on your roof, jumping into your car and not having the good sense to get out when the opportunity is offered? High, where I am concerned. You have no idea. Which is why I decide to title this “Only Me, Episode 1”. Feel free to laugh until you cry at these stories. I do after it’s over.

It has been so long since I’ve said this. Be well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚

 

I rarely talk about my health or issues that I have because that is not the purpose of my blog. My mission will continue to be uplifting, promoting self-love and acceptance of ourselves and others. But I have been sorely absent from posting content besides my Black Facts and I have fallen off as of a couple of weekends ago So, I guess an explanation is due at this point.

As most of you know, unless you are new, I have multiple sclerosis (MS). I manage to do well with MS, but occasionally I will have an issue. I had been under the impression I was in an active relapse for a little over a month. What does that look like? A little different from past relapses. Extreme fatigue, memory loss, brain fog (hard to focus, concentrate), muscle spasms, numb toes, balance and equilibrium off, and constant tripping. A couple of other symptoms, but these are the main ones.

How does this effect me? Well, most days I realize I am scraping by, a shell of myself. Writing everything down because if you ask me a couple hours later, I will not remember. Coming home after work and doing absolutely nothing because I used all the energy and concentration I had at work. Limited activity due to issues with walking, tripping and legs feeling heavy and tired. Worst, no reading or writing.

What is the solution? A three day IV steroid treatment. The purpose of the treatment is to tamp down the inflammation that is on 10. Once treatment is completed, hopeful I will regain all of my previous abilities before this particular episode. There is a possibility it may not. It is also a possibility I’m not even having an episode and the MS has just progressed. Who the hell knows?

I actually started writing this blog post when I was receiving my second treatment. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I received my treatment. How am I now? A little better, but not as I was. So, at this point, I need to make adjustments and learn to work around my new reality. Yeah, it sucks! It really fucking sucks. Yet, I am okay. I have learned through constant reframing of my thoughts to be grateful. Grateful that even though I trip, I rarely fall. Grateful that even though my short term memory is taking a hit, my long term memory is still intact. Grateful that I have friends and family who are always there for me and praying for me.

I honestly don’t know how to completely adjust to these new changes. I am working on it though. Please be patient with me. I will be back in full force soon. I still have lots to say, it’s just getting my thoughts down on paper in cohesive sentences is the challenge. Writing is something I have always done and I always want to do so I am not giving up.

Thank you for your continued support. Thank you for your understanding. Be well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚