Only Me, Episode 1

I leave out just as I do every morning, windows down. Passenger window completed down, driver’s side crack to allow a little breeze, but not enough to mess up my hair. Jamming to the Gospel According to PJ. Something plops into my car. So weird. It lands on this plastic bag with a couple of shirts inside it. Of course, I’m like what the hell was that. It moved! It fucking moved! It is a damn frog 🐸. Maybe 2 inches big. Hell, I don’t know. All I know at this point is there is a damn frog in my car. I immediately think of this picture,

I called my friend, all the while, glancing over occasionally to make sure he isn’t making his way towards me. I’m hoping he went into the bag and I can get him out easily. But animals and I don’t have a good history. I didn’t tell y’all about the bird who flew in the house and spent the night in my room. Well actually, it died in my room 🤦🏾‍♀️. Anyhoo, I started screaming in her ear as soon as she answered the phone. She recommended I pull over and get him out, but I just wanted to get to work. When I finally decided to pull over in a gas station, just in case I passed out someone would see and call 911, I realized I passed the last one.

Now, I am crossing the bridge to Hilton Head with this damn frog in the car. Thank God, he was grateful for the ride to the island and didn’t try to kill us both. I normally park in the further spot where no one or nothing can get out of the passenger seat. Not today! He had to get the hell out of my car. I had my strategy together. I’m going to lift the plastic bag out of the car with my walking stick. This way if he jumps out, it won’t be on me. Okay, I’m ready. Side note: I left the car running and I don’t know why😆.

I get out, leaving the driver side door open. Grab my walking stick and slowly lift the bag out of the car. I lay it down on the ground. Nothing yet. I lightly tap the bag hoping he will jump his little ass out. Still nothing. I grab the bottom of the bag and dump the shirts out. Yep, no frog. I guess it was too much to hope this would be easy. I take the walking stick and hit around under the passenger seat, sure enough he jumps into the back seat. Now, I am screaming, “Get your little ass out of my car!” I grab the back door and yank it open, hit the seat, he jumps to the other side. I run to the other side, well something like that 😂, and open the other back door. Now, all four doors are open. You think he would take this opportunity to exit the vehicle. I got him on the island safely. I’m assuming that is what his goal was for plopping into my car. Time to go little buddy.

What does he do? He jumps into the back fucking window. Seriously! Mind you, I’m screaming and fussing at him the whole time. This gentleman who works at National Branding Solutions, another business in the plaza, looks over at me amusingly. I say with the whiniest tone I have probably used since I was a kid, “There is a frog in my car.” There are still good men in the world 😆. He sits his belongings on the ground and saunter on over. I hit the back window a couple of times, the frog jumps into the spotlight, he scoops him up and deposits him on to the ground. Whew 😅.

I feel like this type of shit only happens to me. What are the chances of a frog hanging out on your roof, jumping into your car and not having the good sense to get out when the opportunity is offered? High, where I am concerned. You have no idea. Which is why I decide to title this “Only Me, Episode 1”. Feel free to laugh until you cry at these stories. I do after it’s over.

It has been so long since I’ve said this. Be well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚