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A couple of weeks ago I was in the barbershop hanging with my fellas and we were discussing I don’t know what exactly. Not sure how we got on this topic. But I stated that I was not involving myself in any extracurricular activities because I was waiting for my Mr. Right. Everyone, which were all men, laughed at me. Even the little 18-year-old was laughing at me. To him, I should have said be quiet little boy you don’t know nothing. And then I thought maybe I used the wrong word. I know that women always say things like I am waiting for Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect. Or I am always dating the wrong guys or kissing the frogs that don’t turn into a prince. And though these are clichés to describe our predicament, they work. I thought about it the next day and I realized what I said was not inaccurate. I am waiting for my Mr. Right. What that means to me definitely does not mean the same thing for every woman or the majority of woman for that matter.

I believe that we all should know what we want in our significant other. What we can tolerate,…wait not tolerate. I don’t like that word when it comes to relationships. The qualities that they have that could sometimes be annoying to someone but it doesn’t annoy you about this person. We should also know the things that we can bring to a healthy, productive, protective and supportive relationship. It is essential that we participate in these kind of relationships to allow us to become our best selves. I may be assuming that just because that’s something I would want, others would also. Well I’m definitely going to assume it because it makes damn good sense. But for those of you who are not looking for that kind of relationship that is fine as well. There have been times in my life when I didn’t want a relationship. I wasn’t in a good place and there was nothing I could bring to the table. I will say this, if you have nothing to bring, don’t come. Figure yourself out, learn to love yourself. Live your best life, do what makes you happy and do no harm to others. Simple huh?

I just want to expand upon this a little bit. My Mr. Right is someone who is right for me. There’s no guideline to what he should have based on society’s view. I don’t need tall, dark and handsome. But I definitely would prefer tall and handsome. He doesn’t have to look like a fitness model because I sure in the hell don’t. He doesn’t have to wear name brand expensive clothes and shoes. But I would like for him to dress nice and be presentable. His qualities are based on what I need in my life right now and years to come. I have come to these by trial and error. By my life and circumstances changing due to things outside of my control. The things that I valued or looked for in men when I was younger was different but the most important ones are still there. That makes these qualities a necessity not a want.

Now I’m going to talk about Lisa Nichols, who I am obsessed with, again. In her book, Abundance Now, she told a story of a lady who had written in a journal the qualities, needs and desires of her ideal mate when she was single. At some point down the line, the lady became involved in a long distance relationship with a guy who she ended up pregnant by. At this point she was questioning the relationship and went back to look at all the things that she had written about her ideal mate. The gentleman that she had been dating and was her child’s father had the majority of these qualities of her Mr. Right. So I thought this would be a good idea. I wrote some things down that my mate would embody. I’m going to share just a couple minor ones with you and a few major ones. I probably shouldn’t share the minor ones because you will see how shallow I really am. Lol. And maybe I won’t get laughed at when I say I’m looking for my Mr. Right. Don’t get me wrong I had time to break it down but it wasn’t worth the argument. Those turds will say anything to get you riled up.

-believes in God (major)
-accepts me for exactly who I am right now and continues to accept me as I grow and change (major)
-has a great work ethic but is not a workaholic
-kind to me and others
-fun-loving, wants to do things that we both enjoy but willing to try new things
-attractive, regular build, not too skinny or too big, about 5’10 – 6’5 (minor, kinda)
–enjoys eating and taking me out on weekly dinner dates (minor, but not really. I can go bi-weekly)
-knows how to grill (minor)

Then of course there are the obvious ones such as loyal, honest, supportive, so on and so forth. I am still putting things on the list, it’s not set in stone. I haven’t taken anything off though. I am firm about what I need and flexible about what I want, but I am praying that a good number of my wants are realized. For all my single people, have you written down your expectations for a mate? If not, would writing it down be something to help you see what is invaluable in a mate? I’m pretty sure no one is going to comment on here being as no one ever does. Lol. But feel free to post a comment, send an email (elsims27@yahoo.com) or shoot me a text (419-213-9391). Please do not leave a comment on Facebook or Messenger because I won’t see it any time soon.

I have been so delinquent. I can’t say that I have not posted because I did not have anything to say because I always have something to say. I have taken on a side job, been reading a little more and a have a few crochet projects to finish. Unfortunately, I put my blog on the back burner. Not cool for people who have taken a true interest in my blog and expect regular posts. I am serious about this blog. I have even had t-shirts made, with more to come.

I actually have about 4 unfinished post waiting in the wings. This week, I am going to give you all four. Now I will be cramming my opinions down your throat. My coworkers will probably be happy about this because I spend all day sharing my opinions with them. Lol. One said that he is going to get me a shirt that says, “I’m just saying”. Yea I probably say that more than I should.

I am not Catholic but I respect the practice of giving up something for Lent. I have skipped the practice the last two years, but I really feel that I can benefit from it this year. I had already given up my Instagram and Twitter accounts at the beginning of the year. Now for Lent I will give up my Facebook account. I spend too much time watching videos and reading articles. It is how I stay current but also how I stay distracted. Lol. So just know I will not be able to respond to any post that I am tagged in or messages on Messenger. And what is so crazy is I may not even want my page back after 40 days. I guess I will see. I would like to give up other things but I haven’t decided what else. I can tell you right now it will not be coffee. Those would be the worse 40 days of the year. Lol. I would probably lose the last few friends I have.

Do you plan on giving up anything for Lent this year? Or are you like my mom who decided to include something instead? One year she said she would do some form of exercise each day. I thought that was a great idea. They say that doing something for 30 days will make it a habit. What will you make your new habit? Please feel free to comment below, email me at elsims27@yahoo.com or shoot me a text. My number is 419-213-9391. I usually don’t answer numbers I do not recognize. Make sure that you say your name in the text message. Since I will be off-line for 40 days after Tuesday, texting or email would be the best way to communicate with me. Thank you for continuing to support me and being patient with me.

To start off, I may alienate some men with these next few posts. That is not my intent. I want everyone to be able to read my blog and get something out of it. I just feel the need to focus on women right now. We are at a time where women are having their day in the light. I wish the reason was positive but unfortunately it is negative press. I am not going to get into it with this post but I will in the next one. This post will be mainly centered around this article that I read. Here is the link to the article. I suggest that you read it before you proceed any further otherwise I may lose you. I don’t care what your race or nationality is, any woman should be able to relate to something in this article.

*I am so sorry, but for some odd reason this link is not allowing me to add where you can click it, read it and then come back to this post. I suggest to copy and paste in your browser to read. I promise it will be worth your time.*

http://theglowup.theroot.com/for-colored-girls-in-their-30s-and-40s-who-feel-like-li-1821646201

As you all know, I have recently turned 40. Oddly enough I did not feel these feelings upon crossing that milestone, but I have felt them many times before. When I was younger I wanted to be married by 23 and have my first child at 25. None of this has happened. No kids and no husband. Not even dating. I have wanted to work in many different career fields. I have even attended beauty school twice, licensed esthetician and licensed nail technician. I have went to college three different times for three different majors and I still don’t have a degree. This one burns a little. Not one of my earlier imaginings of life has come to fruition. Oddly enough I am okay with it, most days. I believe most people have moments when they question themselves and feel as if they have not accomplished enough. Now my question to you is, “Your goals and ideas, are they want you really want or what you think you should want or have?”

What I mean by that is people say you should buy a house, have a family, go to college, yada yada. People judge us on these expectations so we may feel pressured to obtain things that we may not really want. Or we don’t know that we don’t want these things until we get them. I have been a homeowner for 16 years and let me tell you, it’s over-fucking-rated! And I am not saying that to dissuade anyone or discourage anyone. I am saying it because it is true for me. All of the responsibility is on you when you own a home. Something breaks down, you have to pay for it. The sewer backs up, on you. All utilities, yea that’s you too. Property taxes are still due even after you have paid your house off. There are of course a good amount of pluses to being a homeowner. I am glad that I have had the experience but I’m good with letting it go as well.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Out of all of the expectations for me as a woman, as a contributing member of society, there is a couple that I will say fits me right now in my life. I want to serve and to help people and I want to get married. All the rest of it is up in the air. I don’t want my life to be defined by other’s expectations. I want to live a life that shows God is in me and that makes me happy. Forget all the rest. I want to live in my purpose, whatever that may be. Still a little foggy on that.

There was a young lady in her thirties that posted a comment after the article. It made tears come to my eyes. I felt her pain heavily within me. I have been where she is right now. I have known her uncertainty. I couldn’t help but give some words of encouragement. This is what I said to her;

“Oh my goodness you made me cry. I don’t know you but you are awesome and amazing. Keep pushing and fighting. Never give up. These moments working jobs you don’t want and doing things you don’t like are learning moments. God is building you up with the knowledge and gifts that are going to benefit you when it is time. Look back on all of your experiences and jobs and write down what you learned, be it good or bad. You needed these things to be the person you are ultimately meant to be. Don’t despair. It will be alright. You will be better than alright. You will be extraordinary. God bless you.”

This message is for any woman feeling less than, insecure, what the hell am I doing with my life, why am I here, where is my husband (ok maybe that is just me lol). We are everything that we are meant to be right now. Don’t doubt yourself. Don’t rush your timeline. Live your best life in this moment and the next. God bless you all.

As always, you can leave a comment in the box below or feel free to email me at elsims27@yahoo.com.