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Testing, Testing 1, 2, 3

God is testing me. This is nothing new. We all have tests we pass, tests we fail but still learn the proper way to pass or tests we fail miserably. I don’t know what my percentage is on the tests I passed or the ones I failed, but if I had to guess I am sure I would be in between the fail but still learn and fail miserably levels.

I was presented with an indefinite amount of time off work due to my health condition and the coronavirus possibly forming a toxic relationship. When it happened I was like, “If I am off too long I may not want to come back.” I haven’t went a significant amount of time off work in over 10 years. Like what in the hell would I do with myself? Then it hit me, God wants to know if I mean what I say.

“God I just need some time to relax.” “Maybe if I had some real time off, I can clear my mind out and start to really figure out what I want to do.” “I could write more if I just had the time.” And so on and so on. All the excuses I put out there to justify my inactivity. Some of them may be legitimate but most are just bullshit.

I joined a book club. I just realized this isn’t my first book club. I said it was but I totally forgot about one that I was a part of about 3 years ago. That book club was good but a little inconsistent and eventually disbanded.

This new book club is called the Rich Lit Society. It is hosted by none other than my future husband Sean Croxton. Lol. He has so many great, motivational projects out here. Anyways, we are assigned a book to read with specific pages to be covered on our Wednesday weekly Zoom meeting. The calls usually last about an hour and a half. There is also questions provide by Sean to get us thinking about the material. These questions helps us to dig a little deeper. This month’s book is called “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho. I am struggling to stay within the pages assigned each week. I just want to devour the whole book. Lol. I will not go into detail about the book in this post. It deserves a post of its own. I will say I hope that it helps me along in this journey of discovery.

I have an opportunity that I did not see myself being presented with any time soon. It’s here people! I am excited and terrified at the same time. I am scared that I won’t find my place and I will spend this time spinning in circles. I feel like I have done just that my whole life. But the possibilities of what will happen are endless and makes my heart race. It makes me think of this quote.

Now all the obstacles have been removed. God asked, “What are you going to do?” If I don’t take this time and utilize it to the best of my ability, I don’t know what will happen. What I do know is if I do not accomplish something, I have been lying all this time. And I don’t like lying. Not to myself or others. So here goes!

As more and more businesses open up, I just want each and every one of you to be cautious and stay safe. And also continue to be well and whole. Much love 🧡💚

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May Days

St. Vincent Mercy Hospital, Toledo, Ohio
This year keeps chugging along and we here on earth are…aw hell I don’t know what we are doing. Lol. I have probably about 6 unfinished posts that I want to share. I didn’t know how to piece them together to get about 3 finished ones to share with you all. So I decided that I will do mini posts over the next few days to get this information out. Why not? Who said a blog post has to be 700+ words? Well somebody did but I’m just going to do what I want to do, as usual.


Everyone will have their day of reckoning. I believe in this strongly. I have had plenty of them in regards to my “bad” behavior. And since I don’t know how to behave I just had another one recently. I am the type of person who does not provide closure at the end of a relationship/friendship. When I am done with you, I’m done. I will just stop answering my phone or replying to any text messages. Yes, I know that this is not proper behavior but I never said I was proper. Or normal. Well I came into contact with someone that I behaved badly towards, on my job no less. Can we say awkward? It gets better. He was hired to do some work at my job. The only saving grace is I am on layoff. Maybe he will be done by the time I come back. Fingers crossed🤞🏽. Do you end a relationship properly or are you like me? I know I am not the only one. Hell they created a term for it, ghosting. Lol. And for the people who think that I would not be cool with that happening to me, I have been ghosted. I am fine with it. As I have said before I am not everyone’s cup of coffee, tea or whatever they drink.


My life manages to be boring and eventful all at the same time. I was involved in a car accident two Sundays ago going to do absolutely nothing. I had been in the house for more than 24 hours and I was getting restless which is normal for me. I was just going to sit on somebody’s water and just get some fresh air. Well I never made it. I am okay but my car is not. It is fixable so at this point I am just waiting to get it back.


Of course we are still in the middle or the beginning of a pandemic. We don’t rightly know what is to happen the next weeks, months or years. Cities are starting to open up some non-essential businesses and people are reporting back to work. It’s serious moments of uncertainty. Will the number of Coronavirus cases increase? And if so, what are the next steps? This seems never ending. I mean who thought that life would turn out like this? There is some good coming out of all this. I just applied and was granted a free 3 month scholarship to Code Academy. Code Academy is a website that teaches people how to code for different programs such as Javascript, Python, CSS, HTML and more. This is available for 100,000 displaced/furloughed workers. If you know anyone who can benefit from this offer, please pass this information along. They would have to go to codeacademy.com and create a profile to apply for this scholarship. I know next to nothing about coding but I can learn. And thanks to this opportunity, I will. Maybe I’ll create an app 🤔.


Looking back at this, I may reach 700+ words. Lol. But it doesn’t matter if I did or didn’t. I posted and that is what really matters. I don’t know how everyone is dealing with this pandemic but I hope that you are safe. I hope that your basic human needs are being met. And I hope that you have found a sense of peace in all this uncertainty. Well I am off of work so if you need to talk, I am here. Continue to be well and whole. Love you all.

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God’s Gift: How Will You Use Yours?

God gave us free will and we are using it in all the wrong ways. We are using it for racism, sexism, xenophobia, and homophobia. Instead of using it to make informed decisions about people of other cultures, sex, race and sexual orientation. People are allowing themselves to be brainwashed by what they hear others are saying or what they read. I am always in a constant struggle to make sure that I do not allow the actions of one person to affect how I look at all people. It can be hard to watch a video with blatant racism towards an individual just because of their skin color and not form a ball of hatred that expands and grows to encompass all of that particular set of people. But I don’t want to become hard hearted. I do not want to become like the people I am speaking about in this post.

The truth is God gave us all the physical attributes that define us as human beings. He gave us our skin color, hair texture and eye color. These are things that we have no control over and even if I did, I wouldn’t change it. But it is hurtful and mean to make assumptions or judge me by these things that I was born with. Yet people do it every day. Deciding and determining a person’s worth based on unchangeable characteristics. I just watched a video of a black man being beaten in China with metal poles. I would have been hurt and angry no matter what the person’s race was. I don’t believe in physical violence. But the fact that he was beaten for his skin color, which I possess as well, hits home. That could be me if I was over in China right now. That could be anyone who is labeled African/black. It does not matter which country or continent you are from. Black people of any nationality are being singled out and treated with disrespect due to the resurgence of the coronavirus in China. Now it’s all our fault 🙄.

I see all this talk about togetherness but it is a big ass joke. All the things the world has gone through before this did not inspire people to come together and neither will this. This is just another situation where the blame game will continue to exist and people will be treated unfair. Especially in America. We practice racism, sexism, xenophobia and homophobia on a daily basis. It is so ingrained in most people that they don’t even know that their actions are associated with these words. Then you have fake Christians that use Bible scriptures they interpreted just to justify their actions. When the main theme of the Bible is Love. It doesn’t say only love a particular set of people. It says love one another.

So back to free will. How do we use this fabulous option that God gave us to benefit others? Let’s get more informed on situations. Let us not take everything the media says as fact. I know if you have watched the news at any point in time in your life, you know that it sets a narrative and it is usually a distorted version of the truth. If you find yourself being sucked into the negativity, shut your TV off. It will allow you to process what you heard and dissect the information. Once you look at it, you may realize that majority of it is a bunch of he said, she said. No real facts. At this point you can do your own research and come to a more informed decision. Or you can pray about it and allow God to speak to you.

You can also reach out to people of different races, sex, religion, cultures and sexual orientation to see what their experiences are like. To be able to see the world through someone else’s eyes can give you an entirely new perspective. We can use free will to connect and offer help to someone who may be in need. And it doesn’t have to be a financial blessing. It can be a spiritual or emotional blessing. Someone may just need an encouraging word in these difficult times. Or for you to pray for them. We have to realize, life is still happening even while the world is consumed with a pandemic. So the problems I had before the pandemic or that occurred during the pandemic is still fighting to take me down.

I will say this time and time again. I believe that we were put on this earth to serve others. How we serve them is through the gifts God bestowed upon us. He still gave us free will to use these gifts as we choose. But why not choose to use them for good? Why not choose to open our hearts and hands to benefit others? Why not use this free will to choose to love instead of hate? Instead of making misinformed decisions about others just because they don’t look like us, worship like us, love who we love? Free will is one of the most important gifts God has given us. How will you use yours? Be well and whole. Much love to you all.