Category: Uncategorized

Ok let’s start off with a long overdue update. In my previous post Socially Awkward AF, I talked about an issue I had navigating social media. Well my 1% of hope paid off for me. The individual I sent the message to was the only one who received it and he responded back with some laughing emojis (🤣🤣). Pffff…Thank God. Lol. If you have not read that post, I recommend you go back and check it out. It is pretty funny.

I am in a place in my life where I am working on me so that I can create the life I want to live. It is going really slow and I wish I could say I am okay with that. I’m not. I’m not handling parts of this growth period well. I have been off work since April. I just knew that God would speak to me and tell me my purpose/what I’m to do next in my life. That I would use this time off for major breakthroughs and answers. I feel I have been open to listening to His word. Holding off on making any major decisions without His guidance. Well…I’m still waiting. 

I am finding myself being so hypervigilant lately. I’m looking for signs everywhere. I look for signs driving down the street. Seeing if anything jumps out at me. Reading books and  listening to seminars about how to find your purpose. The answer has to be out there. Is it me? Has He spoken to me and I didn’t hear it? Or did I block it out because it was not what I wanted to hear. Like seriously, can I get a hint? I am restless and I feel so unproductive. These are terrible feelings. My skin feels tight. Like a snake who has outgrown its skin and I need to shed it. And that would be fine and dandy if I knew what my next step was. I’m paralyzed. 

Twenty four hours or 1440 minutes or even 86,400 seconds come and go. Day in and day out. Time I will never get back. I want these seconds, minutes, hours to count. I want to serve others by serving in my purpose. It is the only thing that would give my life fulfillment. I think of how badly I want a house on the ocean, a Tesla and a husband. If I was to get all of these before knowing my purpose, I would feel as if something was missing. As said by Ralph Waldo Emerson, 

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

And Buddha,

“Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it.”

I need my purpose. Sooner rather than later.

I know I’m not the only one, but it feels like it. When we get stuck in our worries and fears, we can feel so alone. I share my truths to let people know they are not alone. I know some people do it because it is therapeutic. It totally is not for me. It just makes me feel like a loser. Lol. I just have to know that when the time is right it will happen. I have to operate in faith. Keep tugging away at these small goals and leaps. It sucks especially because we just started reading a book called You² by Price Pritchett in book club. This book talks about taking quantum leaps. Jumping several steps in the process to get to the greater reward even if you don’t know where you will land. If it will even be beneficial. Scary huh? 

When God comes through and says this is you, I’m jumping off the highest bridge, head first. No helmet, no harness, no bungee cord. I’ll be damned if I miss this opportunity. I know God has spoken to me in the past. And I questioned it, hesitated and just stalled out. Not again. I have wasted too much time. I want it all! 

Is God speaking to you? Even if you don’t believe in God, is something nudging you? Saying go here, do this, let them go. Do you follow these commands? As I just wrote that, I have to acknowledge God has been speaking to me. I just want the major push! But let’s not discredit the small ones. Each little step will get you closer to the quantum leap. But most importantly, DON’T GIVE UP! Continue to be well and whole and open. Whatever it is for you, it’s coming. Much Love 🧡 💚 

It has been over a month since I came back from Mexico and I am just now writing about my trip. I wanted to wait until I had just the right words. Still not sure that I do. Lol. It was one of the best trips I have taken and I wanted to do it justice.

This trip was planned around Delanea and Sheron’s birthday. Unfortunately, Sheron and Selena did not join us for this trip. Here are my lovelies, my soulmates and my A1’s from Day 1, Monica and Delanea.

We have been through so much together and I love going on trips with them. Even when there is disagreements in the group we always come back together and continue to create some of the best memories. Though we couldn’t all be there for this trip, we reunited in Cleveland this month for my goddaughter Knea’s birthday.

This particular trip to Akumal, Mexico involved Delanea’s crew from Dallas. Here is the group smiling after Cedric walked all the way back to the lockers at Gran Cenote in Tulum, Mexico to get his phone to take this picture. 

The water was a little chilly when you first climbed in but not as bad as Monica was making it seem. She was frozen on the ladder and I had to bypass her. Lol. Once in the water, I grabbed the line that went from one end of the cave to the other until I could acclimate myself. It’s been a while since I’ve been in water where my feet don’t touch the ground. As I was holding onto the line my legs shot up in the air and I was floating on my back. I could not get my legs to go back down for nothing. Some guy swims by and offers to push them down for me 😂. I wonder if anyone else with MS experiences this.

All was going well as Delanea and I inched our way down the line until Monica started screaming loudly, “Are those…are those bats!?!?!? There is bats in this cave.” I don’t know why that didn’t cross our minds before we actually seen them. Lol. Yes, the black spots in the picture above are bats 🦇. My legs proceeded to shot back up in the air. Hehehe. This time I willed those jokers back down though. It was still an awesome experience and I would do it again, bats and all.

Ryan was my savior for most of the trip. He got rid of the hermit crab in the kitchen who was crawling around like he owned the place. And then that same night a little lizard. After spending a good portion of the day at the beach and then by the pool smoking cigars and taking pics, I was ready to be out of that swimsuit. As I went to hang the towel by the shower, I faced the wall and to my surprise this orange lizard was right there. I wrapped my towel around me, nothing underneath, and came out of the room and sat down on a lounger. I calmly said, “There is a lizard in the bathroom.” I did not feel calm at all. Lol. 

Also, Alfredo, the cleaner for our airbnb Casa de Cielo, came to my rescue the next morning when I yelled, “Alfredo get him, get him”, when this guy came up under the fence towards the table we were sitting at.

So did you know that Mexico has their own raccoons that are totally different from the ones we have in the US? Me either. Here I am up bright and early hoping for an amazing picture of the sunrise on the ocean (I didn’t get it) and this fellow joins me. 

Sorry the picture isn’t better but I was panicking a little. At the time I did not know what it was. It wouldn’t have mattered if I did anyway because I was out of there. I snuck into the main house through the back door. Thank God the house had so many entry doors. Four to be exact. One on every side of the house. After sniffing around on the lanai, we made eye contact through the window and he ran off. It seemed as if I was the main person who had the animal encounters. Lol. This little one chilled with me by the pool when the others went to see the Mayan Ruins. 

I did not join for that excursion because it was hot as hell and too much walking. The sad part is they didn’t get to see the ruins either because it was closed due to Covid-19 but we had a great day at the beach.

Like I said this was actually one of the best trips I have been on. The views were amazing. The pool at the airbnb was just the right depth for enjoyment. The food was good except for the pizza we managed to order without speaking any Spanish. The company was great. The sky was clear. One night we were even able to see the Milky Way as we had deep conversations on the rooftop. Sorry that picture looked like nothing. Lol. I did manage to get some pictures of the sun in the early morning, but not right when it broke the horizon.

The room I stayed in with Monica was on the first floor. This was the night time view from our room.

This particular photo shoot started with someone’s iPhone, then another iPhone ending with my Galaxy Note 10 Plus (yes I have the best camera).

I know people thought I was crazy for going to Mexico in the beginning/middle of a pandemic. And I could have been. My version of reality says I can get the coronavirus anywhere. I am just as likely to contract it at the grocery store here in the US as I was in Mexico. After visiting Mexico and being impressed with their pandemic protocol, I feel as if I am way more likely to get it in the US. Mexico had a mask mandate in place before the US. They performed temperature checks everywhere we went, even the beach. And sanitized our hands before entry. I felt pretty safe there.

As I have said plenty of times before “Be cautious, not fearful.” Life has resumed and I am inching my way back in. I can’t stay in a protective bubble forever. I will continue to be cautious with all my endeavors. But I have allowed fear into my life before and have missed out on some really big opportunities. Not anymore. Remember, I want it all and I hope you do too. Continue to make wise decisions for your health and your family, but don’t forget to live. Stay well and whole. Much love 🧡 💚

“Disease is only a healthy response to an unhealthy environment.” -Brian Schaefer

After listening to the ladies from The QOD (Quote of the Day) book club talking about they believe that their thyroid conditions came from suppressing their voices or experiencing some kind of trauma, it got me to thinking. What if all autoimmune diseases starts this way? We are currently reading “As A Man Thinketh” by James Allen. This book reminds me of “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. They both make good points but some things just don’t sit right and can piss you off. The topic we were discussing was coming from Chapter 3, Effect of Thought on Health and Body. In the book, Allen says “The people who live in fear of disease are the people who get it.” Also, “Disease and health, like circumstances, are rooted in thought.” I agree and disagree with these statements.

For some people, worrying about getting sick can stress you out and lower your immune system which can make you more susceptible to getting sick. That makes sense. But for diseases such as cancer, sickle cell, lupus, multiple sclerosis, sarcoidosis and any other disease known and rare, that statement just doesn’t sit right. Like I said to book club on the call, I didn’t even know what hypothyroidism or multiple sclerosis was until I got them. I was/am not a person that put any thought into getting sick or being sick. I have never had the flu. I only got one flu shot when forced into it. And colds are few and far in-between. Therefore I cannot imagine my thoughts having contributed to my current health.

Now, when presented with other evidence by people who have also been diagnosed with a disease I carry, I have to give it thought. Even if in the end I don’t agree, at least I am willing to see the other person’s point of view. I developed a thyroid condition around the age of 23 or so. I was a pretty outspoken girl. I would cuss people put for the smallest infraction and my filter was not even half down. But…there was things I didn’t say. I learned that my brand of bluntness and honesty were not exactly acceptable. People were hurt by the things I said because my delivery was off. I still don’t know how to say things nicely. Is it possible that me holding back due to wanting to be accepted caused stress in my body that set something off? Hell I don’t know but why can’t it be possible?

Now for multiple sclerosis (MS). I have a whole different theory as to why I have this disease. It is a little long so I will discuss it another time. I read an article in Momentum, a magazine created by the National MS Society, individuals who are affected by MS the most is black women. I’ll be damned. If black women are not the most hushed up individuals, I don’t know who is. We can’t say shit for fear of being labeled an angry black woman. We can’t even wear our hair as it grows out of our scalp without criticism. We are talked about on every level of who we are born to be. We are expected to assimilate to be accepted in society and when we don’t, the doors of opportunity are not exactly thrown open for us. We usually have to kick them bitches down. Can you imagine a life where you are never really accepted or encouraged to be yourself? No wonder we are walking around with disease in our bodies.

Yes, I am aware that black women are not the only ones affected by MS or any other disease. Men and women of all races experience trauma. Men and women are silenced by parents, authority figures, siblings and their spouses. No one is exempt. Maybe doctors should’ve thought of this idea that was introduced by these wonderful ladies. Instead of just treating the diseases, sit down and find out what is going on in their lives. I bet most people are having issues or stressing about something. Send them to a psychologist if it is beyond their scope of practice. The way doctors are currently treating people is hurting. So it wouldn’t hurt to try something new or approach treatment at a different angle. 

Sean Croxton, the book club originator and host, mention a book by Dawson Church. The idea he presented was that every disease has a frequency, an electromagnetic signature. Our feelings and emotions creates the frequency at which we vibrate. If our emotional frequency matches that of a particular disease over time we may develop that disease. That was interesting too. So many different perspectives thrown around last night. I am going back to watch the replay. I am sure I missed something. Who knows, someone may have given the steps for a cure. These are some pretty smart people in book club.

The question originally was geared towards people contracting the coronavirus in the US. I believe that no matter our thoughts, unless we don’t leave the house EVER, each and every one of us has a chance to get the virus. People who complain about their civil liberties and not wanting to wear a mask are selfish bastards. They have always said the mask is not to stop you from GETTING the virus but to stop you from SPREADING the virus. I see these signs that says “In This Together”,  people need to start acting like it. Handitizer (Chalupa’s word for sanitizer) and masks 😷 on. Not fearful, but cautious. Stay well and whole. Much love 🧡 💚