Category: Uncategorized

So about a month and a half ago I was connected to the editor for Vivyd magazine by one of my fellow book club members Raymond. I was ecstatic. I was in my apartment giggling like a little girl when I received the email from the editor. The only problem, I was in a writer’s slump. Y’all know about it. I hadn’t written anything for this blog or anything else. Now I need to come up with some material for a magazine 😳.

Yes, I was so nervous but I gave the editor a deadline when I would submit a couple of blog posts. I knew if I put a time limit on when I would submit, it would light a fire under my ass. I couldn’t let this opportunity pass me by. I knew I wanted to do a blog post about summer because I was hoping to get featured in the next magazine. The other post was up in the air. I had a conversation with my coworker that spark an idea. Now I have my two blog posts topics, I just have to write them. Easier said than done 😆.

Here I am the day of the deadline and I have maybe a couple of lines, nothing solid. I’m at work and I get the worst fucking headache ever. I had to leave work early. I go home and take a pretty long nap. Now it is about 8 pm my time, 5 pm the editor’s time. I can push through and get him these posts before it is too late. Thank God the headache is now a dull ache. I get to writing.

The content I created was not my usual but it was definitely not bad. I haven’t written for any publications besides my blog in a long time. Proper grammar, sentence structure and punctuation, no cussing 😬. Dammit, I shine the brightest when I can just be myself and not worry about all the politically correct stuff. How to put all this personality in a post? I didn’t.

Just this past week I received a follow up email from the editor. Yep, I giggled again like a little girl. He said he did enjoy my writing but it was not enough content. I had about 300 – 320 words and the norm for his magazine is 600+. As Bob Odenkirk said in the movie Nobody, “I might have, uh, overcorrected.” So by trying to be a little less opinionated, a little less Ebony, I strip those posts down a little too much. Lesson learned.

Now I am going to go back and beef up one of the posts and get it to 600 or more words. The other post about summer is too late to get featured so I’ll put it on here. I think you all will like it. And I have to get through this writing slump and get the editor at least one more. “I am not throwing away my shot!” Blame my niece Chalupa (not her real name 😆) for all the Hamilton references lately, she has everyone watching and singing the songs from the musical 🤦🏾‍♀️.

Anyways, I got this! I can do this. I will do this. There is no doubt. There is only belief. Belief in myself and my abilities. I love writing. I am a writer. I am an author. I will have my writing published in a magazine. I will have a book that people will read worldwide. Writing is one of the gifts God gave to me. Now, he may have cheated me on some of the other ones, like singing, but I’m sure of this gift.

Quick update. I am starting to feel a little better. Day by day. So many wonderful people have reached out to me after my last post. Thank you 🥰. Thank you for your care and your concern. Thank you for the uplifting words. It truly means the world to me. Stay well and whole. Much love 🧡💚

Yo, the people are asking to hear my voice… – Lin Manuel Miranda as Alexander Hamilton

I have tried to spare you from my sad stories. I have waited an additional 30+ days since my last post, just hoping that what I felt would clear up like the sky after a storm. Unfortunately, it hasn’t and now I have people a little worried about me. So I can’t wait any longer. Hell, maybe me writing it out is the cure. And here I am procrastinating. I don’t know.

Truth is I’m broken. I would like to blame it all on Covid but I can’t. I was feeling a little off before I contracted the virus. The virus just seal the deal. It feels like there is a wall up in my brain and everything I love and care about is on the other side of that wall.  I know that those things are still there but I just can’t get to them.

I have driven miles down my favorite street, watched fireworks, sat along the water, witnessed sunrises, prayed during it all. Yet…my spark is gone. While I am suppose to be making the best of every day, I find myself just existing. Participating in my day to day life on autopilot. Smile, wave, good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Proper responses, just the right amount of attention but not completely present. Can anyone relate?

It is so much more that I could say but I struggle to put it into words. These feeling aren’t unfamiliar. I have felt a restless tension within myself for years. Unfulfilled with my place in life. I snap out of it though. I can usually find joy in the simple things. Gratitude for all that is. Maybe I’m just being ungrateful 😆. I don’t know and that is the problem. How do I fix me when I can’t figure out what is broken?

I’m okay, but I am not well and whole. But I hope you are. I hope whoever is reading this can’t relate. I don’t want this for you. I want the best for you. You deserve it. You are worthy. Much love 🧡💚

I know that this is a personal blog but at the same time I feel as if some things are too personal. My goal is to uplift and inspire you. Some of my stories don’t fall in this category. I don’t ever want to use this blog like people use Facebook. Venting all their frustrations and whining about all their problems. I usually unfollow those kinds of people.

But one of my other goals with this blog is to help people know they are not alone.  Sometimes we feel like we are the only person that experiences certain things. Of course we aren’t. But if no one tells their tale how do we know? That is what I am here for. I will tell my tales, good, bad, crazy, sometimes unbelievable and usually funny.

At the same time, my tales can be sad, realistic and uninspiring. Too much of real life. Yet, these stories also need to be told. People relate and connect to sad stories, probably more than the good ones. I know it makes me feel seen. It also fills me with empathy for others. It makes me want to reach out to that person and let them know they are not alone.

I say all this to let you know, I want to connect with you on a different level. I want to tell my sad tales. But I don’t want to overwhelm you with them. I just hope that with me sharing some of the other side, you will feel seen. You will know that you are not alone. We, as human beings on this Earth, are going to go through shit. It’s unavoidable. So sometimes our shit is the same shit.

You have been forewarned. Sad shit ahead 😆. If you can relate to any of my sad posts and you want to connect, please feel free to reach out. I’m here for you. Now, I may not respond the same day but I will definitely respond back. Being well and whole isn’t acting as if nothing is wrong. Acknowledging when we are off track is part of being well and whole. Allowing ourselves to feels those feelings and get to the other side is the key to staying well and whole. I want for you what I want for me, to be well and whole. Much love 🧡💚