Author: elsims

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Social Media aka Time Waster

I have a love/hate relationship with social media. I don’t like taking pictures so let’s say I “hate” Instagram and Snapchat because that is the main aspect of their apps. I “love” Instagram because I like the funny memes and videos and Pam the bulldog. If you don’t know who Pam is, look her up on Instagram. One of the most awesome dogs in the world. I have Instagram but I have never posted anything on my account. No Snapchat period. No to Twitter as well. For one, I don’t think that you can limit this motormouth to just 140 characters. Hell, I started a blog to be able to talk endlessly. Two, would not ever join now that the current president is making a mockery out of the site. He is uncool so it makes Twitter seem uncool now. I have a LinkedIn account that doesn’t even have a picture of me.

Now to Facebook. Okay, this relationship is complicated. I have family and friends on Facebook that do not live near me. Facebook affords me the opportunity to see pictures and know what’s going on in their lives without me having to talk to them. I love and care about them but at the same time, I’m anti-social. As is most people, so don’t judged me. Lol. I like to watch videos and read uplifting, touching stories. Facebook allows me to do this all in one place without having to comb the internet. And with all the permissions you allow them just to have an account, they know what you like and give you suggestions of videos to watch. Win/lose situation. Also, this is where I see most of my news and current events. This makes me what to learn and do my own research about what is really going on.

Now to the hate. Facebook also is a place to display pics which I hate so, strike one. People put too much of their business on Facebook and get mad when others say something negative. Really?!?, strike two. Once you actually post something, you have to be available to respond if anyone makes a comment. Even though I am anti-social, I’m not mean. Ok maybe just a little. But I don’t want to ignore people’s comments, so I have to keep checking and respond in a timely manner. Yes, I know I can get notifications when people make a comment and that would reduce the checking. Except I hate receiving notifications all day, strike three. Since we struck out, here is a couple of balls. Once you comment on someone’s post, every time someone else does you have the privilege of knowing, ball one. People know when you are on Facebook and want to have side conversations with you. Noooooo, I just want to watch my videos and read my stories. Or play games. I don’t want to talk, ball two. Sherry, I don’t ever mind your side conversations though. Messenger, totally unnecessary. Yet I have not been able to bring myself to delete it. This is how I send my mom the funny or touching stories and videos.

Social media as a whole is a time waster. We spend countless hours watching videos, reading other people’s business or posting our own business. We spend time taking picture after picture just to get the right one as our profile pic. Don’t act like it’s just me. We waste so much time without even realizing it. Sometimes I just think of the other things I could be doing or could have done. Then I think about losing the flimsy connection that I have with my friends and family. What is a girl to do?

I do believe that social media has its place. For people with their own business it is a great way to advertise. Inform people of events, sales and new projects. As artist, you can display your work. Singers can go live and give people a concert which can help sell albums. And it’s basically free. Now that is a win/win. Also, with sites like LinkedIn, you can network and gain new business connections. You can post your resume and get scouted for jobs or look for jobs yourself. Some people have started businesses or their own brand using social media. Funny videos, which I watch, have made people famous and given them opportunities to display their talents on a larger scale. It does have it’s purpose.

I guess I am going to have to parent myself. Parents put restrictions on kids as far as playing with gaming systems and watching tv. I need to put restrictions on myself about visiting social media sites. Maybe something like 30 minutes to one hour a day. I’m going to give this a try starting Monday. I am not sure which site I waste more time on, but I am going to delete Instagram. I’ll miss Pam, but I don’t post anything and I use it solely as a time waster. Facebook, I won’t delete, but I will pull the plug on Messenger. And now that I am posting regularly, finally, I’ll use Facebook and LinkedIn as sites to advertise my blog. Once I stop wasting time maybe I can actually post more and by sharing on social media, I can really grow my audience. Now that is a win/win!

How do you feel about social media? Would you give it up? What would you do with all the free time? Please share your comments in the box or email me at elsims27@yahoo.com. If this is the first post you have read, to make a comment, click on the title and it will be a box at the end of my post.

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MS-cellaneous

I have a hard time talking about Multiple Sclerosis (MS as I will refer to it the rest of this post) because I do not want to do the disease a disservice. I truly believe that it is a serious disease but I try not to approach it in that way. I live my life in humor and reality. My friends and I can joke about it and I not feel offended. I know the disease and it’s progression. I know that it is an autoimmune disease that eats away the protective covering on your nerves. I know that after an episode/exacerbation, you may not regain the complete use of whatever area was affected. I know that there is no cure but a lot of medications with horrible side effects. I know that there is so much more that I will not put in this post. But most importantly I know that I have MS.

I know people say that you shouldn’t claim an illness or disease. So I’ll say, I have signs and symptoms of a person who has MS. These past weeks I have had signs and symptoms of a person who is/has had an MS exacerbation. I even participated in a treatment recommended for someone who is having an exacerbation. I really didn’t want the treatment but I realized that I wasn’t going to get better without it. This time was different though. I went to the hospital 3 days in a roll to receive steroid medication intravenously. By the third day I felt better as usual. The day after still doing good. The second day after, which was a Sunday, I couldn’t get myself to move. I had severe brain fog and my body wouldn’t cooperate. I was laid low. This had never happened to me before after a treatment. I rested all day and was so thankful that the next day was a holiday. If I had to work, I would have called off. I DO NOT call off work. By Monday, a little less brain fog and some mobility gained. Tuesday back to work. I made it through the day. Thank God it was my short day.

Now here I am a week later, feeling better still but not who I was before the episode. Walking more like a person than a penguin. Can walk without the use of my stick. Also have the ability to do my job without questioning every little thing I do. Thankful, blessed. I am thankful for everyone that prayed for my recovery and healing. Thankful for the concern from my friends, family and coworkers. Thankful for those who came through for me when I needed them. Blessed that my doctor and his nurses responded quickly to get me in treatment. Blessed to be able to go back to work. Blessed to continue to live an independent life. I don’t take it for granted.

There are many things that I have learned since I have had the signs and symptoms of MS. I’m only going to touch on a couple. I have learned insecurity. I have always been a pretty confident person (thanks Mom). This disease with its limitations, will suck the confidence right out of you. I am not an aggressive woman but if I see someone interesting, I would approach him. Yea….not so much now. Now when someone approaches me, I am even reluctant to talk to them. They see a happy and what looks like a healthy young lady. I know that I am damaged goods. So when do you tell them? At that time or later on when you thinks he likes you enough to still call? I also learned an urgency to live now. My signs and symptoms point to the possibility of a wheelchair in my future. Yes you can still live in a wheelchair, I realize that. But there are activities that would be challenging or impossible to do in one. I want to do all of them now. I want to make memories. Have stories. I don’t want to think I missed out on anything. That is one of my greatest fears.

I truly skimmed over the top of MS. I honestly don’t like talking about it at all. The only reason I did was due to the recent episode. It was such a new and humbling experience for me. It requires acknowledgement. Up until this point I have had an easy journey with MS. I can still walk, work, even dance a little. I have never been hospitalized. Never required someone to wipe my ass. Never used more than a walking stick. Never missed a day of work due to MS. Have always been able to transport myself. Except for a few things, lived a pretty normal life. This episode showed me the true face of MS. Showed me that I may be just one episode away from all the things that I fear the most.

I don’t want to discourage anyone from asking me about MS or my journey. MS, though not talked about as many other diseases, is on the rise. Still I didn’t know exactly what it was until I was diagnosed. So please feel free to ask any questions. And I even encourage you to put them in the comments section because it may be the same one someone else has. Or you can always email me at elsims27@yahoo.com.

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Vulnerable

I hate to cry. I don’t know if I have said this in one of my post before, but I can’t say it enough. I HATE TO CRY!  It gives me a headache. It makes me look ugly. And I believe that nothing is solved by it. The thing that I was crying about is still an issue when I’m done crying, so why bother. Now I look jacked up, got a headache and I feel like a crybaby. I don’t even like to cry when I am by myself. The only time crying is acceptable to me is when I’m angry, I’m happy, I see something really touching or when someone dies. I have issues, I know.

I am in this process of evalutating myself and continuing to grow up to be a better human being. To find what my purpose is and to serve in my purpose. God put me here for a reason and I am desperate to know what that is. I have been watching sermons, Ted talks and anything that I feel may spark a fire. One sermon I watched recently I can’t stop thinking about. Sarah Jakes Roberts and her husband Pastor Toure Roberts had a chat about love and soul mates. The one thing that kept sticking out to me was Sarah saying that she had to be vulnerable. Vulnerable with Pastor Toure so that he could fulfill his purpose as her husband. The light bulb came on.

I don’t know how to be vulnerable. Please don’t be offended, this pertains to me only. I think vulnerability is a weakness. I believe that it allows people to take advantage of me. The only time that I can remember being vulnerable with anyone was with my first love. I didn’t know any better. Lol. I didn’t know to hold anything back. I dived face first into love and came out hurt, restricted and scarred. Scars that I obviously still have to this day. (Side note, I don’t hold anything against him. We were kids. I know I did my fair share of hurting him and generally being an asshole to him.) The one thing that I did learn is not to be vulnerable because I did not want to feel pain like that again.

So here I am, old as hell, finally facing myself and saying something ain’t right here. How would I have the ability to love someone and allow someone to love me  without transparency and vulnerability? I think that is impossible. There is One that can make the impossible possible, God. Please don’t judge me at this point, but I am not even vulnerable in my private time with God. I know, I know. Now back to crying. I will even fight crying in my private time with the one true healer because I hate it so much. I’m probably telling you people too much about me right now. Seriously. Anyways, like I said I’m evaluating. I realize that if I can’t even be vulnerable with myself and God, how can I be vulnerable with anyone else? Duh!!!

Now that I have had this epiphany, I feel suddenly more emotional. And of course I don’t like it AT ALL! The difference is I’m not going to fight it. I’m not going to stop the tears, unless I’m on my way to work. Ok a whole day of ugly, work with me here people. I am going to pray, talk to God and cry if that is needed for my breakthrough. I am going to allow people into my restricted places. I am going to be vulnerable. If you haven’t realized it at this point, I have already started by sharing this with you.

What is a struggle for you? What do you see as a weakness?  What was an epiphany that changed your life? I don’t expect any comments on here. Lol. But if you want to talk about it privately, please feel free to email me at elsims27@yahoo.com. No judgments, just love and acceptance if you want to talk. Remember to make a comment, click on the title and it will have a comment box at the end of the post.