As I stated in Reflections, 2018 wasn’t terrible. I started the year off pretty good, but about 3 months in I was distracted. I never got my focus back. My micro goals were not accomplished, so therefore I didn’t accomplish any major goals. So suffice it to say, I am carrying over goals from last year to this new year. I do not want to negate my accomplishments from last year. I did some things. But not near to half of what I wanted. I do have some new goals as well.
One important goal that I want to accomplish within the first 6 months is to get a mentor. I have never had one. There has been people I admired and looked up to, but have never sought to create a relationship were knowledge and success principles could be shared. It seems that it would be beneficial to speak to someone who is already successful in the industry that I want to pursue. Or someone who is succeeding in an industry where no one else is. Or just succeeding in life in general.
I want love. I want to give love and I want to receive love. I want to meet a man who I want to kiss. I know that sounds crazy, but I’m picky about who I kiss. No walls up, full transparency. Wow 😮! It will never stop being scary for me. I know what I am looking for. The me that I am right now could not handle the kind of love that I am wanting in my life. I am a saboteur. The way for this to be attainable may be therapy. I am so serious about this. There is a possibility that I am broken like a toy, not in spirit. So another one of my new goals is to seek wise counsel. There needs to be someone who has an unbiased view of me to tell me about myself. I know it is going to piss me off, but I will be open-minded. How else will I get to my breakthrough? This goal is one I want accomplished within the first 3 months.
Now this one is a carryover. Debt!!! I am so tired of it hanging over my head. I did work on some of it in 2018, but I barely scratched the surface. In 2019, new micro goals to get things either paid off or paid down. This is a must! I don’t want to live this way any longer. I will not live this way any longer. I will set a 12 month goal of the debts to be paid off and an amount I want knocked off the larger ones. These will be broken down in 3 month increments to give myself an idea on how it is going.
For 2019, create a list of things that you want to see manifested in your life. The goal is to write out your heart’s desire. The things you tell people you want or would do if you won the lottery. One thing I ask is to BELIEVE that it is possible. No negative self talk or doubts! Yes you are deserving of your hopes and dreams. Write it down with it being non-negotiable. Write it down with no plan B. For instance, I want a house on a lake or a river, hell even an ocean. I will not settle for anything less the next time I purchase a home. There is no substitute. Now it may not happen in 2019 but I am believing it for myself. I am still going to write it down, paste it on my vision board for 2019. I will envision myself sitting on my deck or in my breakfast nook looking out across the water, drinking a steaming hot cup of coffee. Now what the rest of the house looks like I have no clue. Lol.
Seriously, I want to see people’s timelines and comments on this post, talking about their achievements, hopes and dreams coming to fruition. Post pictures of your vision boards. I want whatever it is that you want for yourself to happen. I will pray for your dreams and goals. I am your cheerleader in this life. If you need a word of encouragement, I got you. Happy and successful people spread love and joy and this is truly what the world needs right now. As I have said before, the world needs you. I need you. Be well and whole in this blessed year of 2019.
Reflections
I cannot say that 2018 was a really bad year for me. It was alright. I’ve definitely lived through worse and was happy to come out on the other side. It was just boring. It was taxing. And in the end, it drained all of my creative juices. I haven’t crocheted since July😕. I can’t even come up with a pattern for the blanket that I want to make. This leaves me without a legitimate reason to buy yarn. Lol. I am now wasting my money on panties. I cannot find an excuse as to why I need any more of them so I don’t even try. I will refrain from purchasing any for now. Don’t know how long that will last.
Since we are talking about my bad habits. I have been reflecting on my past life decisions and evaluating myself closely. Well as close as one can when they are aware of their flaws but really don’t want to learn too many more. The things that people don’t like about me I do not care about. The things that I don’t like about myself are the ones I am concerned with right now. So I have to get in there and figure out what the hell is going on with me. Here are a few things that I realized….
~ I realize that I cannot write at home. I need to get out the house. I need to go some place that provides me with a sense of peace to still my mind. That is when I can get to the thoughts hidden underneath all of the mundane things, worrying things and unnecessary things. This blog will not die. This requires me to set aside time that is solely for writing. The water is my happy place so I must get there regularly.
~ Has my lack of vulnerability hindered me from finding a life mate? I am not sure, but I know that it is an issue. After listening to my audiobook, “The Power of Vulnerability” by Brene Brown, I knew something was seriously wrong with me. Seriously! I don’t want to miss out on anything in this life. Especially if the thing that could be holding me back is within me and fixable. This one right here may take all year for me. I think that I have prided myself on my lack of vulnerability and have worn my toughness as a shield and a medal at the same time. Like you can’t get to me. You won’t even know that I care. And if I do and you hurt me, you won’t see my pain. No one will. Not sure who benefitted from this. Pretty sure I didn’t. I have still been hurt and healed in a fractured way. Now I have to break these disjointed parts and expose myself. Yes it is scary, but I believe that it is necessary.
~ The things that I feel should be important to me are easily pushed aside for whatever reason. This one right here has been a constant throughout my adult life. I am not sure if what I say I value is really what I do value. Or if my action plan to accomplish these things is not really actionable. Either way it goes shit is not getting done. As I create a new list of goals to accomplish for 2019, I need to decide if this goal lines up with my values. I need to also write down specifically what I am trying to achieve and steps that will allow me make my goal a reality. This sounds like it covers all bases.
~ Last one, I am so delinquent when it comes to social media. I don’t feel as if it is important to me. I was online looking for a cover photo for 2019 for my Facebook page when it hit me, I don’t think that I took down the one I put up last year for 2018. Goes on Facebook, yep it’s still there. I am slightly embarrassed. When I look at my profile picture it is worse. It is the picture I took on my 40th birthday in 2017 😂😂😂. Yeah I need to work on my social media presence. I think that it can be a time waster so I rarely go on it. The reality is, if I want to increase the number of subscribers that read my blog regularly, I have to get on there and promote it. I have created a Facebook page for my blog, but haven’t share it with anyone. Haven’t done anything to the page since its creation. I need to utilize the platforms that are available to me. I am too antisocial to network and give my 30 second elevator speech.
I am sitting here waiting for the ball to drop signaling the change of day, which also changes the year. I can’t lie I am bringing in the new year as I have the last couple of years. Fighting to stay awake. I have already taken a nap but it’s not helping me. Lol. I have expectations for this new year. I have goals. I have faith. Nothing different from this past year. Somehow, I know this new year will be different. Starting with the fact that I love my new planner 😀. I know it will be different because I will be different. This new year is all about me. It is accurately labeled as The Year of Me. Until 2019 and beyond, be well and whole.
P.S.A.
I have been neglecting my site and my loyal readers. I am not giving up on this here blog. It means too much to me. I do need to work some things out and get back on track. I just ask that you all don’t give up on me. That you continue to be patient with me. I have so many things that I want to share with you. My birthday road trip with beautiful pictures included, my trip to the Art Museum, Me Part 3 (I’m really starting to see that I am truly a one of a kind mess lol) and random observations to name a few. While I find my way back to being well and whole, I hope that you all continue to be well and whole. That you enjoy the last days of this year and all that it brings. Much love 😘. Be back soon.