elsims

July 31, 2019July 6, 2020

Me, Pt. 4

Probably shouldn’t have used this picture. I look sneaky 😂😂😂.

I have so many half written blog post waiting to be completed, as usual. This one was the most completed one so thought I would share. As you all know, I’m a little crazy and the more I reveal about myself, the more likely you are to think I am totally crazy. Lol. I’m cool with that though. Enjoy!

I very rarely wear matching bra and panty. I pretty much get up in the morning and whichever ones I grab, I wear. Now if I know that I am wearing something that requires a certain color or style, I will take the time to select underwear for that particular outfit. If you encounter me with matching bra and panty, bom chicka wah wah 😘.
Don’t you dislike when you agree to do something or go somewhere and when the time comes you are no longer in the mood? That is me like 85% of the time. The good and bad part is I am a person of my word, so if I agree to it, I am going to do it. The only way I usually back out is if I have a legitimately good reason. I am the one person that you don’t have to worry about standing you up. Now if you say that you don’t feel like going anymore, I will not try to convince you otherwise. I’m relieved.
I don’t like to sit in a room that has windows and the blinds are not open. At my house I don’t really open the curtains/blinds though because I walk around with little to nothing on. I live in a neighborhood where people walking down the street can look in and I am not into voyeurism. Maybe I need windows that I can look out but people can’t see in. Ummm….
I realized that I am the kind of person who once I make up my mind, it is extremely hard for me to deviate from that. My ex-boyfriend was my type. I mean physical, spiritual and work ethics as well. Same views on marriage. I just knew that since I was finally dating my type that this would be the person that I was going to marry. Well I am still single, never married. I am not bad mouthing him or talking about him in any way. I don’t think we were right for each other. We are still friends and spend time together occasionally. The issue is that I wanted him to be so bad that I was blind or ignored all the tell tale signs. I just kept holding on way past when I should have let go because I had made up my mind. He was it, the one. This thinking had me 7 years later finally accepting what was, that though he was cool, he was not going to be my husband. I have to work on this quality of absolutes. I know that I will miss out or delay what is meant for me because I can’t let go of what I want.
I don’t like being told no, EVER!
I do not like PDA. I am usually disgusted seeing people kissing all passionately in public. Yuck!!! Save that shit for home. Now a peck is ok. A little hand holding or hugging is alright as well. But sitting in laps and dry humping 👎🏾. I know it is wrong to project my issues on others, but I don’t care.

So now that I am open and vulnerable, what say you? Share with me one thing about yourself that people would probably never figure out about you or one thing that makes you weird and quirky. Of course I know you are not going to put it in the comment 🙄, but you can always email me at elsims27@yahoo.com. I am interested to see your responses. Quick question, should I add more pictures on my blog? Whether it is of me, me doing things or even pictures I take of nature and other things. Just thinking pictures of me can help people put a face to the person who is supplying the content. Also, the other pictures could break up some of my constant talking. Lol. As always, be well and whole.

July 9, 2019

Kentucky Y’all

These birthday trip posts are so sporadic. Smh. I have to get them all in though before I take my next birthday trip which is coming soon. Lol. This year I have already started to plan it out. Since I truly didn’t have any real plans when I went down south for my birthday trip last year. The only thing I did plan was to stop in Cincinnati, OH. to visit Rashanna. We sat down and had a great dinner and conversation at Mimi’s Place, a nice local restaurant. A couple of mimosas as well. I think we may have closed the place down. Lol. Upon leaving Cincinnati, I crossed the state line into Kentucky and grabbed a room at the Red Roof Inn. Nicely renovated. Here I experienced the first of a couple falls. Not paying attention that there was a ledge to get into my room, I entered in backwards and tripped into the room. Down I went with luggage, food and a head bump on the desk. Yeah, not pleasant. I was able to laugh at it later. I only stayed there one night. Not because I bumped my head. I was ready to continue the rest of my trip. When I left I still didn’t know exactly where I was heading.

I stopped for breakfast at IHOP. I love their New York Cheesecake pancakes and their veggie omelet. I kept it moving from there. I just enjoyed riding down the expressway going actually close to the speed limit. Not feeling rushed, loving the colors. I considered going to The Ark. Once I looked at the price for the attraction and the price for parking I had to take that off the table. It was not included in my budget. Lol. I kept on riding past. I just stayed on the street but the scenery was boring. Now how the hell do I get back to the expressway? Google had me doing some crazy shit. On these backroads that were narrow as hell and kinda raggedy. I did catch this pic.

The cow is looking at me like “What heffa” lol

Once I found my way back to the expressway, I thought of a place that would fit in my budget. Cumberland Falls which so happened to be free. Perfect! I had been wanting to go for a little while. When I say these pictures I am going to share with you does not do it any justice. It was rainy and the sky was gloomy but it was such a beautiful and serene atmosphere. I was able to see all of my fall colors on display.

The first sight I seen upon parking. I was so overwhelmed with the beauty of it.

This pic used to be my screen saver. No one believed I took this pic. Lol.

Since it was rainy the stairs were a little slippery. Didn’t fall here though.

Now I did see a sign about wildlife that was a little unsettling. Lol. I was in their territory but I still didn’t want any encounters. I made it through without seeing any bears, snakes or any other dangerous animal. Phew. It wasn’t as if I could run or anything.

Upon leaving the park, I was ready to find a hotel close to Louisville. I thought that would be a great city to explore. I will cover this and more about Kentucky in the next post. Be well and whole.

Just me, sitting on a park bench, looking nerdy

June 23, 2019

Breathe, Relax and Fall Apart

I don’t know how to relax!!! This is a really serious issue. I read a book about meditation and I planned on meditating because I truly believe that it would be beneficial to me and my health. My mind is always overwhelmed with thoughts, mistakes and whatever I see and hear from one day to the next. Meditation seems like the way to go. I kinda tried a couple of days and really didn’t push it. Twenty minutes of still time is really hard for me. I get fidgety if I am not moving for that long unless I am asleep. Well I sat in my car by the water and tried to meditate today. I listen to the woman as she gave instructions on how to do this meditation. As I tried to relax my body based on her instructions, I realized I couldn’t. I couldn’t let myself totally go and let the tension leave my body. I felt all kinds of weird. As if I was going to cry and y’all know how I feel about crying. I felt fear. The fear that if I relaxed completely and totally I would fall apart. Who fucking knew that I was working so hard to hold it together!?!?!?

I pride myself on being strong and able to handle what life throws at me. Of course I am always giving honor to God because I know I couldn’t do it without Him. I may complain a little when something doesn’t go my way, but I am quick to recover and move on. Sometimes I handle the issue at that time or later when I can take care of it. I can’t afford to let things get me down because life continues to happen whether we participate or not. I prefer to participate so that I can have an effect on the outcome. I do all this without truly being aware of how it affects me. If I am doing too much physically, my body will tell me and I sit my ass down. I rarely stop and think about how I am feeling emotionally about things unless I can’t get passed it. Then I will work it over in my mind to death. Eventually if I don’t come up with a solution, I’ll just push it down and go about my other business. Emotions are annoying. Lol

I started this post last week and I didn’t want to finish it until I looked deeper into myself and see if this was true. I am now on the water again.

This is truly my place of peace. Where I can clear my head a little. I did realize one thing about last week. Guys cover your ears. Ladies, “something, something… yeah I know it sucks. Why do we have to go through this. UGH!!!” Ok now that is out of the way. I am in a better space now so I decided to try again to listen to my guided meditation body scan and see if I could relax. Well it didn’t go so well. For one, I was sleepy so I kept dozing off. Two, when I wasn’t dozing off my mind kept wondering off. I had to keep going back to focus on my breathing to clear my mind of the intrusive thoughts. I could have been relaxed but I’m not really sure. I plan on persisting through these small obstacles to make meditation a part of my daily life. I can’t give up.

Now as far as relaxing go, I hope I can accomplish that through meditation. I feel like I am naturally an uptight person, but this may not be true. It may be that I have put shields up to avoid…everything. Now it is up to me to take these shields down one by one. I talked about vulnerability before and how it is totally foreign to me. Well it isn’t foreign any more but I am still struggling to be vulnerable. I looked back at my previous post titled “Vulnerable” posted on August 31, 2017. Let’s say I am still doing the same shit. I have invested in audiobooks about it and even watched a special on Netflix by Dr. Brene Brown called “The Call to Courage”. I am determined to open the door to vulnerability because I believe and the research shows that is when you experience your best life. I want my best life dammit!!!

So in reference to all the other stuff I said before, I am going to have to fall apart. As terrible as that sounds, avoiding it is holding me back. I am going to tell you another one of my issues. I try to plan out being emotional. Lol. No, seriously. Like I only want to be emotional(cry, sad) when I am alone and preferably on the weekend. Not ever around others or when I know I am going someplace that others will be. If I have a moment, I hurry up and pull it together. Hell, sometimes I even get mad that it is happening. Like why now? Why not before I went to bed? Lol. I am sure I am not the only person like this. I just happen to be the person that is willing to admit I’m a little messed up. And don’t not a one of you say a lot. Lol. To spend the majority of your life one way it takes a while to transition to another way. I’m transitioning people. I didn’t think it would take this long. Smh. Anyways, if you see me with red puffy eyes or I look a little sad, don’t you dare say anything. I am falling apart but it is a good thing. I am going to come back together better because of it. And that is what I ultimately want.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt no one is going to comment on here about their struggles. I don’t expect you to. There is a comment box below if you decide to. Or if you want to talk about this off the blog, feel free to email me, elsims27@yahoo.com. I am available to talk about anything. It doesn’t have to be the topic on this particular blog post either. It could be on a previous one or some other topic. I just want everyone to be well and whole, including myself of course.