Author: elsims

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Omggg Get It Together!

I wanted to write and post this last night but I was seriously emotionally exhausted. And it has carried over until today. I’m tired y’all. Lol. Last year I was presented with an opportunity to receive a scholarship to Marie Forleo’s B-school. I waited to the last minute. Actually I waited til past the last minute and did not get to turn it in at all. Sean Croxton was offering the scholarship and he lives in California and there is a time difference. I guess I had already converted Pacific to Eastern when I initially read the email and came up with 3 pm. Well I went back and converted 3 pm to 6 pm. I don’t know what the hell was going on with me. When I finished the video and went back to the email to find out where I was to send it, my heart dropped down to my stomach and then to my feet. Yeahhh 😬 it was a little too late. Like 2 hours too damn late!!!!

My friend/coworker had to listen to me whine about it for 2 weeks. Poor baby. Thank God she loves me. Though I was tore up about it, I learned a very valuable lesson or two. Don’t procrastinate. I had known about the contest for a couple of days so why did I wait to the last minute? Well the other lesson I thought I learned (more on this a little later) was just be yourself and it doesn’t matter what you look like. Quit overanalyzing and get out of your head. All the other opportunities for the rest of the year, I was on it. I did not want to have any more regrets. A missed opportunity that should not have been sparked something in me. I wish it didn’t take that experience to cause a shift but I am happy that I walked away from it a better person.

Now here we are one year later, same opportunity, same person offering the scholarship and I am not fucking it up this time. I planned on recording my video on Saturday. I was going to put on some makeup and a cute outfit. I had already typed out what I wanted to say. I am ready y’all. I tried to record a couple of times but I…I don’t know. I wasn’t feeling it. Ok so now I got it. I will memorize what I typed and then my flow will be perfect. I get up Sunday and I go to my spot on the water. I usually write when I am there so of course I think that it is a perfect spot for memorizing my lines. Not at all. The birds were making so much noise. Are they normally this damn loud?!?! Lol. So I’m just going to stay out here by the water but move to a different spot. I move away from the birds and sit in my car trying to commit these lines to memory and record to see how it goes. I could have created a whole blooper reel. I felt like I was out of breath and had to keep taking breathes in the middle of a sentence. At one point the seagulls started flying by my car distracting the hell out of me. I quit! I decided to go home and regroup.

Remember when I said I thought I learned to get out of my head and stop overanalyzing last year. Totally untrue! Now I am at home. I am starting to get all in my head. I was being my own worst enemy. “Okay, so do you think he is really going to pick your video?” “Just forget it.” “Your hair is so ugly.” “You are not going to look good on video.” “Look at those bags under your eyes.” Yes, these horrible thoughts along with a few others was running through my mind on repeat. I could feel myself deflating. I took a nap. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to make the video anymore. But I got up and made the decision that I was going to do it. Not again! No regerts dammit! Lmao (yes I misspelled it on purpose). The thoughts did not stop but I wasn’t going to let them stop me.

Now I am at another of my water spots and I am trying to find the right angle to hold the phone. I look at myself and I HATE my shirt. Like it did not compliment me at all. I have a moment y’all 🤣. But I have a hoodie in the car. I take my shirt off. I am not naked, I had a tank top on. Ok better. I have my lines pretty much memorized so I start recording. I wish I could say that it went well. Another blooper reel in the making. Not just that though. I get an alert on my phone that I am running out of storage space. You have got to be fucking kidding me!!! Now I am in my phone finding things to delete. I am deleting texts, videos and pictures. If you thought I was anxious before I am really anxious now. I finally delete enough stuff and the warning goes away. But I am still struggling to record my 3 minute elevator pitch all the way through.

I get a text from my friend asking what am I doing. When I tell her I am still trying to record my video she is shocked to say the least. She says, “Omgggg lol get it together! Just be 100% you.” Oh how I needed that. The next take was the money shot. Now let me say, it was by far not perfect. I stumbled a little and I didn’t say everything that was on my sheet of paper. But the most important parts were there and I did it!!! Yay me hehehehe. I uploaded that baby and sent Sean the email with the link to my YouTube video. And I breathed 💨. And by about 10 pm, I was exhausted. I used every ounce of energy I had that day to make a 2 minute and 52 second video. What in the hell?

So what did I learn from this? I still have some work to do when it comes to negative self talk. I should have never talked to myself like that because God knows I wouldn’t talk to anyone else like that. That is so rude. I don’t have to be perfect. The most important thing is to do it, mistakes and all. I won’t regret my mistakes as much as I would regret not doing it. Quit overanalyzing. Who cares what you have on, if your hair is just right, what camera angle makes you look best? I am not modeling. I’m just being me and there cannot be any issues with that. And if there is, so fucking what.

I know I am not the only person who has had moments like this. Filled with self-doubt. Thinking that something is wrong with the way you are. Wondering if who you are is okay and enough. This is one time I would be okay with being by myself. I hope that no one feels this way. I hope that even in moments like I experienced this weekend that you believe you are deserving. That you believe you are capable of getting what you want and so much more. But if by chance you are someone who has moments, I need you to acknowledge it and set up a plan to get past it. Being riddled with self-doubt, feelings of being undeserving or that you are not enough is not who we can be any longer. Remember my new motto.

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” -Ayn Rand

Do not be the person stopping yourself. There are so many resources out there that can help you get rid of the negative self talk. YouTube has positive affirmation videos and motivational speeches from every motivational speaker imaginable. And then there is always The Quote of the Day Show by Sean Croxton. I can’t express enough how much this podcast has helped change me. I am still working on me as evident by my weekend but I will not give up. I am breaking generational curses and shaking off years of other’s opinions and perceptions. It may take a minute. As it may for you. Just don’t give up! The life that you want is within your grasp. Keep reaching. Thank you for taking this ride with me. Be well and whole. Stay positive and of you aren’t, get positive. I love you all.

Here is the link to my video submission. Of course I had to share after all this talking about it.

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And It Goals Like This…

Update:

I was unable to get these videos to load for the last post so I am going to share them on this one. Finally, the Uprising.

The original video was 2 minutes 31 seconds. I cut parts out to share. I really hope that you are able to view them. It truly is a sight.

Another update. I decided I don’t like my planner. Lol, smh. I know this is ridiculousness at this point. So I am on the hunt for a new one. I don’t recommend ordering one online. It looked good in theory but the in person viewing left a lot to be desired.

Since writing my last post I have made a few decisions. I am terrible at making decisions especially big ones. I procrastinate and waver back and forth until a decision is made. Sometimes I finally make the decision but most times the circumstances makes the decision due to my inaction. Not a way to live. As Bodhi Sanders said, “Doing nothing is an action; not making a decision is making a decision.” Or we can go with, “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing” as said by Theodore Roosevelt. Okay, last one. “Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.” 😂😂😂 I want to make my decisions right or wrong because it feels good when I take control of my life. I am currently on a life high from making all of those decisions.

I carried over a few goals from January to accomplish in the shortest month (lol) along with my February goals. On February 1st, I made 3 decisions. I guess I was overly ambitious. Sound about right for me. Lol. The thing is only one of them was a part of my goals for either month. And it was a partial goal. I purchased the desk but not the chair. One of my decisions wasn’t even a part of my goals at all. Smh. After my secular music hiatus, I woke up binge watching The Terrell Show Song Associations. Then I remembered I signed up for this video conference by Sonia Ricotti. Sonia Ricotti has a program called Unsinkable. I watched a portion of the movie a couple of weeks ago. The beginning was really sad but it did get better as it went on. She went through some really difficult things. She lost her mother, went through a divorce and was over $100,000 in debt. She was able to pull herself out of these dark times and it made her want to share the technique with others. I missed about 40 minutes by the time I tuned in. I came in on the part where she was doing the sales pitch for her program. Boring! I wanted to close it out and go back to The Terrell Show. Lol. But I stayed.

She went on to interview Bob Proctor, Lisa Nichols and Mary Morrissey. In between each interview, she did the sales pitch for her product. I’m not exactly sure when she pulled me in, but there I was purchasing her program. I think it was when she offered free tickets to a conference called Dreambuilders Live. One of my goals for this year was to attend a conference on personal development and here she is throwing them in as part of her program package. The Dreambuilder Live workshop is Mary Morrissey’s and it will be held in June in Virginia. I am excited because now that will help me accomplish two more goals. I can visit my friend Patty and see her cute little baby and also go on a trip. Now after I purchased my program, I did log off. Lol. I’ll get the rest of my info once I start the program.

I said all this to say, don’t get so set on your monthly goals that you do not allow things/situations to flow organically. I know that I have goals set to accomplish each month but if a goal I have for later in the year presents itself earlier, I am going to jump on it. I don’t want us to be discourage by things not happen on our timeline. The timeline is just a suggestion. It is bound to change. The most important thing is we accept the change, make adjustments and continue on the path to accomplish all of our goals. Since I have been experiencing this life high my perspective and mindset has improved. Don’t get me wrong, I am still working on my mindset. But I have been able to correct myself when negative thoughts start to enter my mind. I shoot that shit down! We are worthy and deserving of achieving the life we want to live. I will erase all doubts where this is concerned. Mindset shift.

What goals have you accomplished so far? Are any of them out of order? I am interested in how 2020 is going for you. You can comment below or send me an email at elsims27@yahoo.com. I am always praying and rooting for you. I want everyone to experience so many great things this year. I want the best for you! Continue to be well and whole and don’t let anything get you down. This is our year and I am not settling for anything less. Love you all.

Oh and one more thing, the title of this post is so cheesy but I don’t care 🤣🤣🤣.

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And It Begins

I started to compose this post on Sunday morning. I went to my usual spot on the water in Point Place. There wasn’t any sun and it was a little chilly. When I got there the geese were MIA but there was a whole mega flock of seagulls really close to where I park. They are usually not this close. I sat on the passenger seat of my car and watched them for a little bit. I then began to write because that is why I came out there. As soon as I opened my Evernote note app, those little bastards started to rise up from the water. Now I have been trying to catch what I call “The Uprising” on camera for forever. I mean forever. And here they are right by me and I missed it. So I’m thinking they probably won’t do it again for a little while. Nope, as soon as I started to write, they are rising back up again. Ok now I’m mad 😡. So I sit there anticipating, when they are going to do it again. I can’t concentrate on my writing because I am hypervigilant trying to catch them at the beginning of the act. I did kind of catch it but not like I wanted to. I was finally like forget it! I had to go to the bathroom and at this point I wasn’t even writing anymore. After stopping at McDonald’s, I started to head home. Something said go back. This time I listened to that something.

I would like to share the video in length but it is too long and required editing. I have edited the video but now it is having problems with uploading. I will share it once I have everything worked out.

A couple of weeks ago I went to Walmart to get an oil change. I have gotten my oil changed there before without any issues. This time was different. Every resident at my apartment is given a parking permit windshield sticker to be recognized at the complex. I was instructed to put the sticker under where the oil change sticker would be located. I did that. There was plenty of room for the oil change sticker. Anyways, I leave from getting my oil change jamming to my music and I look up. What the fuck? My parking sticker is missing. There is a little oval spot UNDER the oil change sticker. I know that you are thinking the same thing I thought at that point. Why did he remove my sticker? It obviously was not in the way. And it says plain as day Parking Permit. No, they did not clean my windshield. No reason to touch it. At this point I just call the property manager and let her know what happened. She gives me a replacement sticker for free but let’s me know there will be a charge next time. I’m good with that.

I put the new sticker on and it is not sticking like the other one. It’s up there though. Later in the day, I am driving and talking to my friend Monica on the phone and I look up. Lol. You know it, the sticker is not there. Why???? I am praying that it fell somewhere in the car. At the stop lights I keep looking all around on the floor, don’t see it. Ughhh… now I am going to have to call the manager again and tell her I lost the one she just gave me. I don’t mind the cost but damn. Lol. I am like ok, when I get home I am going to do a thorough sweep of the car. Thank God in heaven above, it fell into the cubby hole on my door. I felt like I wanted to tape it to the damn windshield 😂😂😂. No other incidents since.

So today is the last day of my K-Love challenge. These last few days have been tough, especially today. My boy Terrell Grice dropped a whole album and 7 new episodes on his Yotube channel. I can’t remember if I have mentioned him before or not. Well, he is appreciative of music. All kinds of music just like me except he has an awesome YouTube channel that features little known and well known artist showcasing their skills. I’m still trying to figure out why God didn’t bless me with the ability to sing. Smh. I feel I was cheated. Lol. Anyways, his channel is called TERRELL and the shows are mainly Song Associations, but there is other content as well. Song association is when the artist is given a word and they have to sing a song with that word in the title or as a word in the song. Not only do you hear great singing but you will definitely get a few laughs as well. If you are a lover of music, I highly recommend you check his channel out. I am so excited to binge watch these new episodes and listen to the album tomorrow.

Another thing about only listening to Christian music is I cuss too much. I have found myself in the car fussing and cussing at these non drivers only to start singing one of these Christian songs. Ughhhh….what a contradiction. I told my mom that when this happens I usually cut that music off and listen to something else. She of course had another idea. More along the lines of stop cussing. I can go all day without cussing if I don’t get in the car. Once I am in the car it is like I am a different person. If someone else is driving and another driver does something stupid, I cuss even then 🤦🏾. I know, I know. I know my mom is right I just ain’t there yet. One day, maybe. I am just focused on getting other things together that seem a little more important.

Well here it is the last day of the month, January 31st. I was not overly ambitious with my goals. I did accomplish 2 out of 5 goals. I purchased my new TV stand and this will be my third post of the month. I did not get the screen fixed on my phone, create my vision board or get a new desk and chair. Not good but not bad either. I will just carry them over to next month. I only have 3 goals set for February. My goals are to get my GoPro ($100 left to go), master Microsoft Excel and purchase a new couch (my orange couch finally!!!). So I believe I can pull it off next month. I will not get down on myself for the things I did not complete. Shit happens. But I am determined to succeed at these goals because they are important to me.

How was your first month of the new year/decade? Did you have goals written out to accomplish by the end of the month? How successful were you? I hope that if you did not get this month’s goals all completed that you are not getting down on yourself. Just don’t give up and you will succeed. I believe this wholeheartedly. Continue to be well and whole. I am rooting for you! Love you all ♥️.