elsims

April 2, 2020

Hello

Well March aka Multipe Sclerosis Awareness month is official over and now I can talk about anything. Well I could then too but I wanted to bring awareness. The sad part is I don’t have anything to talk about. Lmao. I accomplished no goals because they all involved money and I need that money for bills. Lol. I received a note from the apartment manager letting me know they don’t give a shit, rent is still due. Ok, gotcha. I’m sure my other debtors don’t give a shit either. No, I could probably call and skip a couple of payments but my ultimate goal within the next 2 years is to have all my debts eliminated. I am moving and the only things I want to take with me is clothes and furniture. I don’t want anything else weighing me down. Not even a man unless it is my nephew. Lmao

Seriously though, I had a few things I wanted accomplished by the end of March. For one, I wanted to start a new blog. And this would have been the perfect time. A good portion of people are off work including most of my friends. And this blog is for them. So this blog became an idea from our group texts. My friends are funny and crazy with no filters. Kinda like me but a little worst. They would probably disagree but I don’t care. Lol. My goals is to create a blog where each of them can post anonymously and it would be rated R for sure. It will be a private blog that requires permission to access due to the content not being for just anybody. And honestly once everything financially is taken care of for this month, I may still do it. It will give adults only some entertainment in these uncertain times.

Still haven’t purchased my GoPro 😫. Yep, that is on hold as well. It is so hard to be a responsible adult. And totally overrated. I don’t have any adventures to record anyway so I guess I can suck this one up. I still have my amazing phone that takes awesome pictures like this.

Literally just made it before the sunrise.

I know that we have all had to put our lives on hold. It can be discouraging and a little depressing. For some odd reason, I am still filled with excitement for the possibilities. I am rediscovering parts of me that I have buried due to being consumed with day to day life. I have almost finished crocheting two blankets already. And that is a feat for me. Lol. Im going to purchase some puzzles to work on. What have you done that you haven’t done in a while? What talents are you rediscovering? What hobbies old and new have you started? I believe that we should not lament this time but use it wisely. Life will resume. And it will be different. Let’s learn ways to find peace and hobbies to occupy our time in a positive way. To be better. To be stronger and more resilient. I am going to try meditation again. I heard it works miracles. And I want a miracle 😀.

I know this is all easy for me to say because I am childless and husbandless(yes I know it is not a word). For those of you that are comfortably crowded in the house with your loved ones, well…good luck. Lmao. Just kidding. I would think that this is an opportunity for deeper relationships. I don’t know. So I just hope that you all are making the best of this situation. And don’t feel bad if you need to get out and go for a drive by yourself. Or a walk in the park by yourself. Or any other activity that we are allowed to participate in by yourself. Continue to live with caution, not fear. Wash your damn hands and be well and whole. Much love to you all.

March 29, 2020

This Too Shall Pass

A lot has changed since my last post. The coronavirus continues to spread and claim lives daily. Other countries have went on complete lockdown to eliminate the spread of the coronavirus. We have two deaths in my county, Lucas, from the virus and the number of people affected changes every day. They have shut down restaurants, beauty and barber shops and various businesses. Others have lessened their store hours and set aside hours for seniors and more vulnerable people to shop for essentials. A great number of people are forced to file for unemployment. This is a time where people are allowing fear to take over. But there are others who are like fuck it and still travelling and living their best life. I guess people handle crisis differently.

I am sitting at my spot by the water and this is the most people I have ever seen on the trail ever, seriously. Couples walking together, families and individuals walking dogs. People desperate to get out of the house and doing one of the few activities they can do. Me, I’m just living. My normal life is pretty introverted to the point that it could be called quarantine. Lol. I spend time with those I want to and avoid the shit out of most people. The only difference right now is I am not spending time with the people I want to going out for food and drinks. I am watching sunrises, taking drives in my car by myself, crocheting and watching TV. Which are things that I would be doing anyway. Just doing more of it now.

I need to do some reading. But I want to finish these blankets first. I have a terrible habit of having too many irons in the fire. I want to focus on finishing one thing before starting another. The blankets I have been working on is for people affected by Multiple Sclerosis. I have been giving them out for the last 3 years at Walk MS. I guess I won’t be doing that this year because the MS walk has been canceled. I still want to finish the blankets though. I am sure I can find people to give them to. I spoke with my cousin last night and she said she has been doing puzzles with her daughter. Ohhhh…I love puzzles. Putting this on my list of things to do for sure.

People with MS are part of the vulnerable population. There is medications such as Gilenya, Ocrevus, Mayzent and Lemtrada that suppresses the immune system in an effort to slow down the progression of MS. My current treatment is Ocrevus. This makes me more susceptible to contracting the coronavirus. It also makes me vulnerable to dying from the virus if I contract it. As I said before, I do not plan on continuing my fight against MS with the assistance of this medication. Or any other immunosuppressive medication for that matter. They just open me up to too many unwanted possibilities. With there being so many other alternatives on the market, I am happy I can choose a different medication.

At this point, I do work for an essential agency but every job is not essential, therefore I will not be working. I will be on temporary unemployment until April 6th or longer. With all the factors that I listed above, I was the best candidate to be off. It made me sad but of course I understand. The day will come when most of us can go back to our normal routines. For others, who have lost loved ones will have to establish a new normal. We will all be changed in some way. I don’t know what people are getting out of this. I don’t know how people are affected. I am just hoping we come out of this better. I can dream right? Lol. If you are bound to your home, start a new hobby, catch up with people you haven’t talked to in a while, read, write. But most importantly, be well and whole. Much love to you at this time and always.

March 15, 2020July 6, 2020

MS-cellaneous Pt. 3

Today as I was walking down the steps to leave out for my sunrise adventure, I seen one of my neighbors walking up. I opened the door for her. At this point she proceeded to hold the door to let me out. I had a few bags in my hand so when I stepped out I was off balance. I started to lean to the left, which is where she was standing, and almost knocked her down. I balanced out in time, thank God. Lol. Would have been a little embarrassing to wipe my neighbor out. She was like, “I wouldn’t have let you fall”. I told her that was good to know. Smh. MS strikes again. I have so many stories like this.

At my job one of my duties is to answer the phone. I talk a lot and I talk fast. So I am immediately annoyed when people are on the phone taking forever to say what they have to say or humhawing around. I usually try to finish their sentences so that whatever it is they need can be taken care of quickly. The other day I thought about how I used to be a fast walker. My little legs would move to get where I needed to be and I wanted all slow walkers out of my way. Well now I am a slow walker. I am annoyed at my own self. Lol. There is at least one bright side to walking slow, I notice so much more. Instead of speeding past everything in life, I have the opportunity to experience it. To be in a particular moment for a little longer. To glean more from watching a situation unfold right in front of me. I notice every crack in the pavement, each slight raise of the ground, the distance from Point A to Point B. These are precautionary measures. But within those times, I am aware of everything else. Not exactly how I would have chosen to live my life. Yet interesting none the less.

Now let’s go back to the slow talkers. After having this painful slow conversation with an individual on the phone, I said to myself and my coworker, maybe I need to be more understanding. One of the symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis is trouble with speech. Here is a list of a few.

“Scanning” speech, when a person’s normal speech pattern is disrupted with long pauses between words or syllables.
Slurring words. …
Trouble changing tone of voice.
Nasal-sounding speech.
problems with volume, strength or quality of your voice.
weakness of the chest muscles, making breathing and speech difficult

One day it might be me. And if it is, I would want people to be understanding and give me an opportunity to say what I need to say. The lesson of slow down and live in the moment was brought to me by MS. I just need to apply it to other areas of my life.

I continue to stay thankful throughout this journey. I know that it could be worse. I have read other people’s Multiple Sclerosis journeys. I recently read this women’s where the doctors diagnosed her with Postpartum Psychosis. It took the psychologist to diagnose her with MS. What the hell? And this woman had had multiple MRIs and no one caught it. For years she dealt with paralysis and speech issues. But it was all in her head. Which literally it was. There was lesions on her brain from the episodes she had gone through. This was years ago but it is still happening today. Even though I am not a fan of medicine I do believe that it can assist with slowing down the progress. So to go years in and out of episodes without any medication can cause this disease to progress rapidly.

To go years without a proper diagnosis experiencing the signs and symptoms, the diagnosis can be a relief. Multiple Sclerosis is a disease that can affect so many areas of one’s life. My heart goes out to anyone who has it. Though I may not experience their particular struggles, I can empathize with their journey. In my day to day life, I don’t really talk about MS. I don’t believe that discussing it and making it a focal point serves me well. I am more focused on living a life that is full of light, laughter, adventures and possibilities. But if anyone has any questions, wants a better understanding or wants to discuss their own personal journey with Multiple Sclerosis, I am available. The door is not closed, it’s crack. And I will fling it open and welcome you in.

The world is in a crisis right now. There is a deadly virus on the loose and it is affecting so many people. I wish I had words to soothe but honestly I am terrible at that. I will just say if you fit the description of someone who is more likely to get the coronavirus, be careful and protect yourself. I don’t want anyone to live in fear but to live with caution. Please continue to be well and whole. Love you all.