The other morning as I got up to get ready for work, I stumbled to the bathroom. I thought I am always stumbling and not just when I walk, but in life as well. Hence, the title. Here I am, 45 years old, training for my next career transition, still not knowing what I want to be when I grow up. Single, with minimal prospects, actually zero to none 😆. And I don’t even know how to rectify the situation. Or at least the suggestions from others aren’t working and I am this close 👌🏾 to saying fuck it (a sewing needle couldn’t even fit in the distance between my thumb and finger).
I know there are people who may say I am being too picky and I am not sure if there is a such thing. This is the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with. As I said before, I’m 45, I don’t think I have room for error. Maybe the term should be unrealistic. Now, I do believe that is possible. But I’m not even being unrealistic. I have 3 nonnegotiables for when I look at someone’s dating profile or someone I meet organically. One, must believe in God. I don’t care how cute you are or anything else that may sound good in your profile, that is an instant swipe left. Two, doesn’t want kids. There is nothing I can do for a man who wants kids. I’m too old and I don’t want kids. Now, he can have kids. My preference is kids that are close to grown, but I won’t rule anyone out based on the kid(s) age. Three, cannot be a conservative. This may ruffles some feathers. I do not care what side you lean towards in the general sense, but I am a woman. And as I woman, I do not believe that men should have any say in what women do with our bodies. Yes, I believe in God, but what I do is between me and God. Just like what that man does is between him and God.
Now, for all the other things that may cause others to say I am “picky”. Only having one picture, only pictures with a hat on (hats are men’s makeup), saying nothing at all on their profile, I don’t find you attractive, and they are looking for something casual (i.e. fuck buddy). I have swiped left so many times, they are running out of men in my area. They have just started to recycle the ones I already said no to 🤦🏾♀️. I think dating websites are so strange and I am annoyed that this is probably the best way to meet someone. I’m terrible at it. The texting back and forth having meaningless conversations. The round of getting to know you questions. The awkward conversations when you finally do talk. Yet, when I think about it, I don’t know if I’m good at organic dating either 😬. I think the plus in organic dating is there is an initial spark. Something to build on. Not the build-a-bear scene of dating apps.
When it is all said and done, I want a husband. Not just to say I got married, or I could have married the wrong person years ago 😆. So, I will keep stumbling through this life open to love and loving. Waiting to fall and that man to catch me (so cheesy). He better catch me! I don’t know if I can take another fall, figuratively and literally 😂. Y’all saw what I looked like the last time. And fortunately or unfortunately, you all are going to have a front row seat. Hell, I already have a story to tell. Next blog. This blog post was the story builder, like the first movie or book in a series. For your sake and mines, I hope it is a short series. Continue to be well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚
