I think the fact that I just attended a wedding inspired me to finish this post. Lol. By the way, the wedding was beautiful. We officially have Steven and Joy Parker. Ready to party at the reception.
On to the business at hand. So my friend Monica tagged me on Facebook about a young lady who was on The Steve Harvey Show. This young lady was presented with 50 available men, one from each state. She listed off about 4 requirements that she had for a man. Simple, not asking too much. Belief in someone or something greater than self, a car, his own accommodations not shared with anyone else and one other. Sorry I don’t remember what it was. More than half the men walked off the stage. Steve now asks her to list a couple of more requirements. She listed about 3 more, not wanting everything to be 50/50, not a macho man and a serial dater. She is now left with 4 men. Four men out of fifty! Wow. She says that she may be asking for too much. Steve reassured her by saying, “It is not your standards. It’s that you have to find men that meet ’em”.
I am not bringing this up to bash men at all. I believe that some of the men probably walked off because they were not interested in her and that’s fine. I am sure that a good portion also walked off because they did not fit her requirements. Mind you she did not say anything about height, hair color/style or overall looks. She was very clear in what she wanted. She had a set of standards that she knew had to be in place in order for her to have a happy and healthy relationship. I want to give her a high-five with the way she rattle them off. I have written down my needs and wants but I probably wouldn’t have been able to pick a clean 4 – 6 right off the top of my head. If placed in her position, could you do that? Men? Women?
The issue that I did have was the comment section. People, of course, are horrible on social media. They are bullies who say the meanest and most hurtful things. We know most of them wouldn’t dare have the balls to say it in your face, yet the hateful comments are still disturbing. Commentators, men and women, were putting her down about her standards and her looks. They were saying she would never find a man because she was expecting too much. Now y’all did hear me say she listed 6 – 7 things. They called her materialistic and a gold digger. To say that you don’t want a 50/50 relationship doesn’t make you a gold digger. I am seriously disappointed in the women who were making the comments. Really, we attack other women for having standards. Y’all hoes need to get some and stick to them. And if you don’t feel the need to have standards, don’t judge anyone else for having them.
Standards, in my opinion, are very important. I am shallow and I believe I dwell more on preferences. There is a big difference between the two. Preferences are things like looks, height, weight and social status. My preference is a man who has a height of 6 ft. or taller, brown skin, average build, nice smile and all his hair. My standards would be along the lines of someone who believes in God, has a job, a car and a place to stay that is not with his parents and who is successfully taking care of himself. A man who views marriage the same way that I do and who is loyal, upfront and honest about all the things that are important to us. No one is completely honest so I had to be specific on that point. And someone who loves me more than I love him. I am unsure if this is a preference or a standard. Lol.
Standards are guarantees that you will get treated the way that makes you feel loved and valued. They allow you to walk away from a relationship that does not serve you or makes you happy. How many times have you relaxed your standards and walked away from a relationship wishing you would not have done that? You are now bruised, figuratively and literally, distrusting and angry. You hate all men or women. You take that venom that is now inside you into the next relationship. To the person who meets your standards but you can’t relax because you are still carrying baggage from the last experience. I have been this person, kinda. I have relaxed my standards and been hurt pretty bad. But I start each new relationship giving that person the opportunity to present who they are. Not comparing them to the last one. It is unfair and can allow you to miss out on a really great person.
Do you know what your nonnegotiables are? Have you written them down? If you don’t know them yet, I would suggest looking at previous relationships and taking note of what was good and what was bad. The good things that you would want in future relationships could be the start to your list of standards. The bad things will also tell you what you are not willing to put up with no matter who the hell it is. It is so important to know yourself, your value and love yourself. It is the key to living a happy and healthy life. A life that when you look back you can say I have had more good than bad. That I lived with standards that represented me and I took shit off no one. It is not too late to start. If this speaks to you, it is time to reevaluate so that you can live well and whole. Love you all and wanting the best for each and every one of you.
Here is the link to the episode on YouTube. Check it out.