Month: September 2019

I’ve been writing and not writing. I’ve been experiencing and just existing. I have been sick and sicker. I’ve been living this life which is mine but is truly not the greatest. I always say that I have no known enemies, but I have one. It’s multiple sclerosis(MS). This shit is a true enemy and it is trying to kill, steal and destroy. It is trying to kill my livelihood, steal my peace and destroy my body. And this weekend, it is succeeding just a little. Not a lot. Feeling a little defeated, exhausted and beat up. I know I don’t talk about MS much but today, let’s talk about it. This is not a pity party. This is the realities of living day to day with an autoimmune disease. This is my reality. I don’t expect anyone to understand. Just be with me in this moment, if you can. If not, I get it. I don’t want to be in this moment. Lol.

So pretty much ever since my car was broken into, I have been struggling more than normal. My episodes/relapses/exacerbations are triggered by stress. That incident caused stress on top of stress. I adjust. I don’t think I have a choice, I mean do I? The way I walk, the way I conserve energy, all my movements and actions adjust to make it through the day successfully. I don’t allow the differences of actions to determine what I can and cannot do. Now my coworkers notice every fucking thing. It is like they have a microscope on me. It got to a point that they were going to call the doctor themselves to say that I was in a relapse. Or worse, my mom. Lol. I finally caved in and called my neurologist. He arranged for me to have a three day steroid infusion. Yes, it is as bad as it sounds. I dislike them immensely.

To break it down. I have a set appointment at an infusion center. The treatment involves a corticosteroid drip that takes about an hour to complete. I have to get poked each day with an infusion needle because I work in an office and it is more of a pain in the ass to leave it in for the three days. The treatment leaves a metallic taste in your mouth that is suppose to go away after a couple of hours. This treatment, not so much. This treatment literally has been the worse ever!!! Based on this treatment alone, I will not have another one unless I can’t walk, see or function in anyway that resembles my normal.

We tend to think that the medications that we are given is more of a help than a hindrance. Yes they all have their side effects. That is to be expected. But this right here is unexpected for me. I have had severely swollen ankles and legs since Thursday. Limited feeling in my feet since they are so swollen. I am actually walking worse than before the treatment. Brain fog and my food taste weird or no taste. My face is swollen as well but not as obvious as my legs. I feel like the Michelin man. I generally feel like shit. But guess what today is? It’s Sunday. So tomorrow is Monday. And that would be a work day. I am going to be at work bright and early at 8 am. This is my reality of living with MS.

I don’t want sympathy or pity, or any other emotion that is not uplifting. I’m just saying. Selma Blair, who was also diagnosed with MS, chronicles her journey with MS regularly. I know she does it because she has a bigger platform and can bring true awareness to this disease. I respect her willingness to share and enlighten. I, on the hand, just don’t like talking about it. I feel like what is it going to change. I am still going to have MS. I am still going to go through this life the way that I am destined to live it. I don’t know why I am even sharing today. Lol. I guess because it is different. It is a path that I have never been down before. It is kinda throwing me off.

The next few days I am just praying to get back to my normal. My ankles looking like ankles. My body moving in a way that I feel I have a small amount of control over. My brain being able to process all that is coming at it. Me being me. And if you would like to add your prayers, I will gladly accept and appreciate them. I hope that if you have been taking your health for granted and not doing what you are supposed to be doing, that this also gives you a kick in the ass. I have limited choices where my health is concerned. If your choices are your own, make the right ones. I ask sincerely for each and everyone of you to be well and whole. It matters. Love you all ❤!

Ok seriously, it is less than 2 months before I will be even older and yet I still have not completed my birthday posts from last year. Yeah I am totally delinquent. Smh. So since I am aware of this I am hoping to include all the details in this post, maybe.

When last I talked about the trip, I was in Kentucky heading to Louisville. Now I have nothing bad to say about Louisville. Maybe because it was raining and I really didn’t know where to go or what to do, so I don’t have any positive things to say either. I didn’t make any stops. I just rode around. The one thing that I did notice was how many distilleries were in and around Louisville. I mean it is a thing. I looked up the tours and they were not cheap. And I am cheap. Lol. Maybe next time I will take a tour.

Now crossing over into Tennessee. I always like riding through Tennessee. It is so beautiful with the mountains and the trees. Still no actual plans, but I did want to stop in Gatlinburg, so I did 😀. Now onto another misadventure. I grabbed a hotel on the outskirts because it was cheaper. As I walked up to check in, I noticed the step up. It was a little high. You would think that since I made note of it and was fully aware that it would not be a challenge. Yeah…no. Foot did not fully clear the step and down I went. Wallet, phone and me sprawled out on the ground. The pen even came out of my Galaxy Note. Lol. Worst part, the lobby windows were all glass and full of people. Hahaha. Yes they did seem concerned and offered to help. I was okay though. Just a small amount of embarrassed. The best part, the check in person tried to talk to me after all that. My mom said he probably thought I was drunk and willing. Lol. Got to love her.

 

Since I was in Gatlinburg, I had to see the Smoky Mountains. Nothing compares at this point to me. I am going to share a few pictures. They are wack compared to seeing the Smoky Mountains in person.

By the time I left the mountains, Gatlinburg was on and popping. I do not like crowds or crowded areas. I just rode around and checked out the sights. I seen the sky lift. I really wanted to do it because I knew the view from the top would be magnificent. But I didn’t really want to do it by myself. I told my mom this information. She of course, didn’t agree. Talked all types of junk. I didn’t listen. I left that day without riding the lift.

Fast forward through the hotel stay from the night before which was a truly horrible experience to the next morning. Fuck it, I am riding the sky lift. What if I never come back? Then it would be something I wished I had experienced but didn’t. Yep, better in person, but my camera phone did this experience a little justice. Now don’t judge me, but I was really scared of dropping my phone. I seen a bear holding someone’s phone in one of the pictures in the reviews. Right! I didn’t take pictures on the way up. I did however record a couple of videos. I know that doesn’t make sense. Lol. On the way down I recorded my descent. Check it out.

 

Really hope these videos play right. First time uploading videos and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

After Gatlinburg, I realized I was running low on funds. Still had to go back to my regular life and pay bills and shit. Lol. So I wrapped the birthday trip up and headed back to O-H-I-O. I stopped back in Cincinnati and had dinner with my friend again. Then headed on home. I had a great experience and some laughs at my own expense. I viewed God’s miraculous creations with my own eyes and took some beautiful pictures. I seen all the fall colors that makes my heart glad. It was an experience of a lifetime. I did exactly what I wanted to do. I know that it may seem like a lonely trip, but I was never lonely. I like being by myself. I would do it all over again. Planned out a little better, but I wouldn’t change the places I visited. I really want to embark on another solo journey this year as well. Still up in the air.

Thanks for being patience with me ladies and gentlemen. I don’t know how people do it. Work full time jobs, take care of families and still are able to do the things they love or start their own businesses. The only thing I do is work. I would be in trouble if I had a family. Kids starving and shit 😂😂😂. Just kidding. Anyways, be well and whole.

As I sit in my car letting the sun shine on my already melaninated(is this a word lol) face I realize that I might be strange. Then I think of how great it feels and if someone else did this they would see where I am coming from. Lol. I have watched the sunrise for the last 3 weekends in a row. Each time is different but still miraculous to me. It is an experience that I wish I could have every morning. I wish that the trees did not block my view and I could really see it break the horizon. The colors are undeniably beautiful. The peace and calm of the morning interrupted by an occasional car passing and the birds communicating with each other. Every now and then a person will jog by getting their early morning run in. But mostly it is just me and the bugs. Lots and lots of bugs. Ugh. I tolerate them for the expressed purpose of the sunrise. And they don’t bite like the sunset bugs.

I just wanted to share with you a few pictures of my weekend ritual. The collage pictures will be from the same day, but at different phases. I just take a bunch of pictures and I am suppose to go back and weed out the bad ones. Not so much, to me they are all good. Lol. Hope that you enjoy them.

Ok I have to prepare you for this one. This day I went to a different location hoping to see the sunrise a little different. It was the same sunrise because the trees were still blocking my view. The spot in Monroe, Michigan was really where I wanted to take pictures, but I was there too early and I felt weird. It was still pitch black and there was no one else out there. It just didn’t sit right. So I got a little surprise at Rotary Park in Trenton, Michigan.

Now for the surprise.

Yep, that’s a rat. Suffice it to say, I moved as fast as these little legs could to get back to the car. Ugh…I can still remember the feeling when it got close enough for me to be sure of what it was. Lol.

I actually love the sun setting more than the sun rising. The colors are like fall to me and fall is my favorite season. The colors are so rich and beautifully blended. Now I don’t really have many pictures of sunsets. I haven’t found the perfect spot yet. One day soon I will. Here is a couple of pictures I was able to get at different locations or the same location, different day.

This pic is probably my favorite because it includes my niece. She loved looking at the sunset too.

What is your favorite time of day? Have you ever purposely watched the sunrise or the sunset? Do you have a great location that you would like to share? Please drop a comment in the box below. Or as always feel free to email me at elsims27@yahoo.com. Until next post, be well and whole.