Month: August 2019

I quit y’all. I quit at this life. And I am not talking suicide. But I am talking about trying to do things my way. Trying to make things work that should be released with love and appreciation for the time that was spent. I quit listening to others advice and words of wisdom. Though these individuals may mean well, the results do not always turn out so well. I quit trying to even make these decisions for myself. I am terrible at making big decisions. I will sit on it, going back and forth, back and forth repeatedly in regards to my options. At times I will even make the decision only to question myself and never follow through. Why??? Why is it so hard to make decisions?

Today I listened to the Quote of the Day show by Sean Croxton. The speaker, Charlie Day, was talking about doing away with a plan b. That if you allow plan A to be your only option, then a person can follow it through and focus on the plan. Here is the link to that episode. It is a great listen.

http://seancroxton.com/quote-of-the-day/708/

Ok, think I may have my answer right here. I allow for too many options to be available to me. With that it would be hard to make a decision. Charlie went on to explain times that big life changing decisions had to be made and how he negated the fall back option. I know that I am always thinking “Well if this doesn’t work, I can…” Well it looks like that is not the way to approach this here life. At this point, it has never worked for me. Lol.

Just recently I had to make a really big decision. When I tell you I was all over the place, I cannot stress it enough. Now I own my own home. My house is a little old and things are starting to get really bad. I wanted to move back into the house. There is an issue with the main pipe line due to the extremely winter. The cost unknown but I am sure it is not insignificant. What do I do? Mind you there are other things that are vying for attention as well. Do I focus on getting all this crap fixed, sale it and get pennies or move into an apartment where I am not responsible for all this extra crap? The decision was not a minor one. I know there were other options and they played over in my mind as well. These three were just the major choices. I just couldn’t decide but the whole time getting even more stressed about the situation. One morning I woke and looked in the mirror and said, “Make a decision right now.” And I did. I made the decision to move. Once that decision was made I just took a deep breath followed by a sigh of relief. “I did it, I did it” was what went through my mind. I felt soooooo much better, instantly. As the day went on I just felt lighter and lighter. And as the week has progressed, I continue to feel such a sense of relief.

Now I had been praying about this issue, but not really allowing the voice of God to speak to me. As I said earlier in the post, I quit. The quitting was to step back and allow God room to operate in my life. To hear his voice and receive his guidance. The last few weeks, I kept saying “God I quit” but not really doing it. That morning when I looked in the mirror and made a decision, it wasn’t really mines, it was God’s. It had been the thought that kept coming to the forefront the most but I was pushing it back. Allowing other plans/options to distract me. That day I quit. Now I can’t say that I will not fall back into bad habits and try to make decisions for myself. I’m a stubborn, hardheaded little fucker. I just have to learn how to lean on God more. To take even my small problems to him then maybe they won’t become big life changing ones. Sheesh. Why? I don’t know why I am so obtuse but I am constantly working on me. By choice and by chance.

Please tell me I am not alone. Lol. Somebody, anybody? Ok, whatever. Keep your secrets. But just in case you want to share them, I’m here. As you can see I have no right or room to judge. I do have an ear and an empathetic heart. My email is elsims27@yahoo.com or for the oh so brave souls, you can leave a comment below. Just know I am not the only one who will see it. Until next we meet, be well and whole.