To start off, I may alienate some men with these next few posts. That is not my intent. I want everyone to be able to read my blog and get something out of it. I just feel the need to focus on women right now. We are at a time where women are having their day in the light. I wish the reason was positive but unfortunately it is negative press. I am not going to get into it with this post but I will in the next one. This post will be mainly centered around this article that I read. Here is the link to the article. I suggest that you read it before you proceed any further otherwise I may lose you. I don’t care what your race or nationality is, any woman should be able to relate to something in this article.
*I am so sorry, but for some odd reason this link is not allowing me to add where you can click it, read it and then come back to this post. I suggest to copy and paste in your browser to read. I promise it will be worth your time.*
http://theglowup.theroot.com/for-colored-girls-in-their-30s-and-40s-who-feel-like-li-1821646201
As you all know, I have recently turned 40. Oddly enough I did not feel these feelings upon crossing that milestone, but I have felt them many times before. When I was younger I wanted to be married by 23 and have my first child at 25. None of this has happened. No kids and no husband. Not even dating. I have wanted to work in many different career fields. I have even attended beauty school twice, licensed esthetician and licensed nail technician. I have went to college three different times for three different majors and I still don’t have a degree. This one burns a little. Not one of my earlier imaginings of life has come to fruition. Oddly enough I am okay with it, most days. I believe most people have moments when they question themselves and feel as if they have not accomplished enough. Now my question to you is, “Your goals and ideas, are they want you really want or what you think you should want or have?”
What I mean by that is people say you should buy a house, have a family, go to college, yada yada. People judge us on these expectations so we may feel pressured to obtain things that we may not really want. Or we don’t know that we don’t want these things until we get them. I have been a homeowner for 16 years and let me tell you, it’s over-fucking-rated! And I am not saying that to dissuade anyone or discourage anyone. I am saying it because it is true for me. All of the responsibility is on you when you own a home. Something breaks down, you have to pay for it. The sewer backs up, on you. All utilities, yea that’s you too. Property taxes are still due even after you have paid your house off. There are of course a good amount of pluses to being a homeowner. I am glad that I have had the experience but I’m good with letting it go as well.
I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Out of all of the expectations for me as a woman, as a contributing member of society, there is a couple that I will say fits me right now in my life. I want to serve and to help people and I want to get married. All the rest of it is up in the air. I don’t want my life to be defined by other’s expectations. I want to live a life that shows God is in me and that makes me happy. Forget all the rest. I want to live in my purpose, whatever that may be. Still a little foggy on that.
There was a young lady in her thirties that posted a comment after the article. It made tears come to my eyes. I felt her pain heavily within me. I have been where she is right now. I have known her uncertainty. I couldn’t help but give some words of encouragement. This is what I said to her;
“Oh my goodness you made me cry. I don’t know you but you are awesome and amazing. Keep pushing and fighting. Never give up. These moments working jobs you don’t want and doing things you don’t like are learning moments. God is building you up with the knowledge and gifts that are going to benefit you when it is time. Look back on all of your experiences and jobs and write down what you learned, be it good or bad. You needed these things to be the person you are ultimately meant to be. Don’t despair. It will be alright. You will be better than alright. You will be extraordinary. God bless you.”
This message is for any woman feeling less than, insecure, what the hell am I doing with my life, why am I here, where is my husband (ok maybe that is just me lol). We are everything that we are meant to be right now. Don’t doubt yourself. Don’t rush your timeline. Live your best life in this moment and the next. God bless you all.
As always, you can leave a comment in the box below or feel free to email me at elsims27@yahoo.com.